A Daily Dose of Creativity

Trusting God

         My day started off with an excruciating migraine and nausea, brought on more than likely by worrying about the procedure I was having done today. Two weeks ago today I was going to the hospital for a routing CT Scan to rule out any problems with my gall bladder and confirm my doctor's diagnosis of IBS. I would suspect IBS and so would my doctor because it goes along with the Fibromyalgia I have.
         I never expected to walk into my doctor's office Friday and have her say, "You need to go back to the hospital and have another CT Scan. They found a spot that appears to be some calcification, but they need to go down a little farther and see exactly how big it is and what it is."
         Now, I have to say that this sent my head to reeling. It wasn't but two and a half years ago when I sat with my mom in the doctor's office as her doctor said, "We found a spot of something unusual on the CT Scan and we want to go back and do another Scan but go a little farther up." Three months later, on December 27th, 2004 I was sitting there with my mom as the doctor told my mom that she had lung cancer.
         I expressed my concern to my doctor who told me, "Oh, don't worry about it. It's probably just scar tissue from having babies. Just precautionary."
         But all the while in the back of mind the words echo, "You had a CT scan in 2001, there was nothing there. Same spot. You can feel the knots under my skin, golf ball size lumps, and you say not to worry. My health has been steadily declining over the last year and no one could tell me what was wrong with me except to say I have Fibro and some of this is all in my head, but you say,'No problem, no worries.'"
         It is at this time that I want to jerk the doctor up, shake her, and say, "Do you not know that my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer? Do you not know that my uncle is lying in a hospital bed at this moment dying of colon cancer? Do you not know that my grandmother died of a brain tumor? Do you not know that when I had my hysterectomy, my body was full of tumors?"
         This road seems familiar. It feels desolate and lonely. I want to get off of it, to move past it, but all these voices of doubt are flying around inside my head.
         I walked into the hospital, the same familiar faces greeting me. I want to say, "Do you know why I'm here? Do you know something that I don't?" But I know they will not share that information.
         The same technician calls me back. She remembers me as she looks at me and says, "At least this time we won't have to find a vein to stick an I.V. in, we can just go on back." She gestures to me to go ahead and lie down on the table.
         I lie back as the table moves into position the machinery starts up. It reminds me of a jet engine as the laser cycles around and around the machine. It's loud.
         It doesn't take too long for the test to complete, and the technician comes in to help me up. She looks at me with concern in her eyes and says, "Expect your doctor to be calling real soon."
         This adds yet another voice calling out the doubts in my mind and in my heart. Why did she say that? Last time she said I could call and find out my results in a day or two. Why would my doctor be calling me soon?
         As I drive back to my mom's to pick up my son's the radio is playing a message. The lady is speaking about sexual abuse and children, and adults who have been sexually abused. But it's not so much that message that stuck with me,it was what she said about those who have been abused are the ones who are spiritually thirsty and are eager to come to Christ, but they are also the ones who have the hardest time letting God take control of their lives.
         She said that they have had no control over their lives for so long, that when they have a chance to be in control, they want to control what is going on without given it all over to God. I thought briefly, "Lord, that's me! What are you trying to tell me?"
         At church tonight, the lesson is on Hebrews 11:23-29. By faith Moses gave up his position as pharoah's son to be treated as a slave. He gave up everything, looking ahead at the reward. By faith. Moses trusted in God. He faced the pharoah's army, with nothing more than a staff, because he had faith and trusted God.
         The pastor said, "Do you have faith as Moses? Are you willing to give everything worldly up and trust God? What do you need to trust God to do for you? Your health? Your finances? Your business? Your family? YES, YES, YES, YES, YES TO ALL. But...
         Prayer time brought about a prayer of a dear young man. He and his wife are new parents, their son will be turning two this July. They are such a precious couple, both eager servants of the Lord. He had a prayer request for his family's salvation. His mom, dad, and sister are not saved.
         Our pastor said, "Brother, pray for your family and friends what is in your heart and we will be in agreement for you." There was much this young man said, but there was one thing that stuck out so much, "Lord, if need be and it came to it. Let me be a sacrifice for them Lord, if through my death, they would see your glory. If that is what it takes, I hand it over to you." And I wept. How bold! I would sacrifice my life, for them. And is that not what Christ did for us! Praise the Lord!
         I walked out thinking, Lord, I need so much to hand it all over to you. To trust you to handle everything. To have faith that you have a much greater plan than I could ever imagine. To know that on the other side is a much greater reward. Know matter what the outcome of the tests are, I will boldly proclaim that it is He who has preordained it and as long as I am trusting in Him, I am walking in His Will!

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