My first ever Writing.com journal. |
i feel like such a baby, right now. this didn't help: i was walking toward the movie theater this afternoon, and two older guys in a truck pulled up beside me, slowly edged along as i was walking. one of them yelled "hey, sexy!" and i turned, not because that's my name and not to be presumptuous, but because you just learn to answer to that in atlanat. i turned, frowningly, and he said, immediately, "oh, shit, you way too young," and sped off. i'm twenty-one. i'm only too young to rent a car or hold a government office. but it's late and i feel terrible and i feel like i don't know anything, or anything useful; i carry my sat score around in the back of my mind, four years after taking the test, and i expect i'll do the same thing with my lsat results, because i am increasingly reliant on small reminders that i am not technically as stupid as i act. i'm trying to decide, though, whether naivete and stupidity are the same thing, but then i don't know if i can really consider myself naive, because i know exactly what i'm doing wrong, i'm just still doing it. fuck fuck fuck. i have severe babylust, this year, and i'm still way too young. no matter what anyone tells me, i'm still about ten steps away. |