Straight No Chaser

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on monday, when it was unreasonably hot, i commented to one of the other program assistants that i would never make the mistake of wearing pants to work again.

one of the kids overheard me, bounded over and asked, very innocently, "where do you work?"

i thought it was cute.

i think i burst a vocal pipe or something today. the kids found a snake and wanted to play with it, which obviously wouldn't fly. i got everyone cleared away except brian, who makes me work a little bit harder at every juncture; for him, i had to scream, three times, "brian! brian! BRIAN!" and felt the most excruciating pain i've ever felt in my throat, and now all i can manage, without replicating that pain, is a raspy sort of whine.

1. do you love or hate tan lines?
neither. if they're really pronounced and on-purpose, i think they're stupid, but i guess i'll concede that society currently elevates olive-colored skin to the point where it's not shocking that appearance-conscious people would tempt fate to get it.

2. do you think art is pointless?
no. my journal is art.

3. what is your favorite type of math (e.g. trig, algebra, geometry, calculus)?
i liked and was good at most or all of them. thankfully, though, i jumped that ship before i became as weird as some of the math whizzes i work with these days. penmanship like psychopath finger amputees. though really, all god's critters have a place in the choir.

4. do you pray?
sometimes.

5. when something bad happens to you, do you openly grieve or do you try to keep your mind on something else?
my whole life is one long distraction. as hard as i fail at trying to forget things, i keep it up anyway.

6. what do you usually eat for breakfast?
the instructor i work with told me today about a family she knew where the mom, this busty general type with german parents, would only let her eight-year-old son have twelve grapes for breakfast each morning. no more and no less, and never anything else. between that and the fact that half the nine-year-olds in my class have not even the vaguest concept of sex, i'm starting to think i'd be better off finding a career in therapy.

7. would you like to have a personal assistant?
how annoying. i think i'd hate it. plus, like i said in an earlier entry, i'm too private.

8. do you think it's hypocritical for people to like butterflies, but not caterpillars?
of course not. plenty of people love adults but hate babies (which i find difficult to understand). it's totally their right. butterflies pretty much terrify me, and i always wonder what they do when it rains. we've had virtually nonstop rain for more than a week now.

9. do paid firefighters deserve the same respect as volunteer firefighters?
most volunteer firefighters have other jobs for which they do get paid, whereas most full-time firefighters do not. my respect isn't for the charity in the act, it's for the fact that it gets done at all. i cannot honestly say i'd take it upon myself to enter a burning building to save a stranger.

10. do people who consider themselves "sophisticated" annoy you?
only when they're completely wrong about themselves. i definitely don't have a problem with anyone trying to live on a higher plane, as long as it's not in a weird, repressive way.

11. do you think physical immortality is possible?
no. sorry, pia.

12. do you have violent mood swings?
violent, no. my mood swings, but i never hurt anybody. myself included. and it's always pretty predictable. if i've been happy three days in a row, it's pretty much a guarantee it's coming to a close, soon.

13. would you rather have black hair or red hair?
either would look utterly ridiculous on me, but i guess some people who don't pay close enough attention think my hair is black anyway, so i'll go with that.

14. do you think the fact that god rested on the seventh day of creation implies that his powers are exhaustible?
no, i think the inclusion of that detail was a conscious decision on the part of a human writer to reflect a basic human need.

15. do you have a job?
yes. do you?

16. do you think it is fair to suspend a teacher from their job if they starred in a porn video filmed more than a decade ago?
i think it's a good thing i don't have to make those sorts of decisions, because i really don't know. on the one hand, i think starring in porn says something about a person's values--not a bad something, necessarily, but maybe something i wouldn't want passed on to my personal seven-year-old, and i don't trust most teachers to keep their values out of the classroom. on the other hand, a decade is a long time. a decade ago i still cried at night because i wanted to be a white girl. a lot can change in a decade.

17. do you think a person's last name can make him/her less attractive?
yes. true love transcends all, blah blah et cetera, but i think i'd feel some twinge of conflict at the prospect of marrying someone with a bad last name, like fishback. i work with a somebody fishback, and i find it distracting.

18. when you step into the shower, do you step with your left foot or your right foot first?
right foot.

19. do you think it's worse for a woman to dress manly, or a man to dress feminine?
oh my god, who cares. nine times out of ten i hate what everybody wears. clothes are stupid.

20. if a president were to temporarily step down during the time of a personal tragedy would you see it as a sign of weakness?
i think chris rock says it best. he's just a man. and anyway, if he were to stay in office during his time of tragedy, critics would have a field day picking every misstep apart, attributing it to distraction.

21. have you ever found a four-leaf clover?
once i found a three-leaf one with a torn-off place where the fourth leaf had been.

22. would you rather have friends that abuse you or no friends at all?
whose friends don't abuse them?

23. is your best guy friend gay?
ha!

24. if you got to relive your life, what one mistake would you change?
high school. i'd insist on going someplace different.

25. in a relationship, do possessiveness and jealousy go hand in hand?
um, i guess so?