Breathing Room

Finding Neverland

Its so hard to work right now. The one thing I've always admired in my father and worked towards in my life is self-discipline. Growing up I learned that to be idle for too long means basically that you're being lazy and not taking any initiative. I have lots of initiative (and I just love using that word - I like the way it rolls off your tongue) but frankly I'm being lazy.

In reality I worked for seven hours today on one editing kit. In the training they said when you first start it took many people 4-6 hours to finish a kit and being the competitive person that I am each time that I've started a kit I hope to do it within a certain time frame - but to no avail. I finally finished at around 5:00 which is when I allowed myself to eat (and eat I did) the leftover Chinese food from yesterday and watch a movie, which inevitably turned into two movies.

The first being Finding Neverland which depicts Johnny Depp in exactly the way where one grows to love him forever. The story of Peter Pan has been told so many different, wonderful ways that you feel its been done too many times. But once again Peter Pan comes alive and beautifully acted out with Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet. It reminded me of how so many adults seem to lose their imagination the older they get. I remember growing up observing my parents whenever they were "teaching" us a lesson (which I'm sure was necessary) but I always wondered if they ever remembered the feelings you have as a child and then a teenager. Is it that easy to forget your innocence and naivete?

As a kid I was always imagining myself to be so many different characters and reinventing myself every day. I love books because I'm so easily lost in them revelling in another world. A couple of weeks ago Dave and I were hanging with some friends when Dave heard about a Kappa party they were having near U Penn's campus. We had just been lounging at this chic place with comfortable lounging couches having some drinks but suddenly we all felt like dancing. Now I must admit we arrived at the party late but not late enough and it was still beginning to bud. It was at the Kappa house and just about all of the Kappas were hanging outside on the steps. Inside it was basically empty and suddenly I felt like an adult hanging with highschool kids. I mean there were only a few girls inside, beside the DJ, and boy did they look young. I mean, fresh faced, excited, laughing at nothing - things I still do - but looking incredibly young doing it. This year Dave and I both turned 26 and our friends are 31 and 28. I look and feel quite young but the very short time we spent at that party I sadly realized I'd reached the point of no return. Which is fine. Really.

I look back at that night and can't believe I looked exactly the same way a few years ago. I look at my sister who at 19 stayed on the phone with her boyfriend almost all day and all night at the family reunion and when she wasn't on the phone she was discussing him with me and dragging me to the store with her to buy stationary to write him a letter which she hoped would get there before she got back. I see myself in her constantly and when she asks for my advice and I tell her what I think (and know cause I've been there) she doesn't want to hear it.

I feel like I understand when I was 19 and 20 and older adults (older simply meaning my age that is) used to lie and say they were my age or refuse to see that 30 is on the horizon because some of us haven't lost our naivete and at times it can be quite surprising that we've matured so much.

That said, I have no problem telling my age and I enjoy growing up and making my dreams come true - one of which was to never lose my imagination.

There was another movie, but I think I'll save that for another time, its off to work for me and a renewed sense of discipline - thanks dad!