Breathing Room

Sacrafices

As is usual Dave and I had a conversation about something we don't agree on. Which I suppose is normal for people. Anyway on Saturday we babysat for a friend of mine. It was a blazing hot day, but we went out and had fun with the baby - she's 1 and is really starting to run and we had a nice time. Anyway towards the end of the day, we were coming back from a family thing for Dave's nephew and had just dropped the baby off and Dave was in my opinion overly worried about meeting up with some friends of his. Now the weekend before he was in Baltimore visiting these same friends (which was fine cause I needed the breather) but anyway one of them came up to Philly with their girlfriend. Dave thought we'd be hanging with them during the day but they had plans and wanted to link up in the evening. Anyway due to the family get together we weren't able to meet them as early as we'd planned and I felt like Dave was stressing too much. He was like I spent all day with you and Friday why are you trying to impede my time with my friends.

First off are you doing me some kind of favor by having spent the day with me Friday and Saturday. Plus I didn't have a problem meeting up with his friends I was just saying that all this stressing over it wasn't necessary. So we met up with them and it was nice. The next day Dave came to talk to me, apologozing for the way he spoke to me the night before.

We got into this conversation about sacrafice. He said he didn't feel appreciated. The fact that he spends time with me and then he has friends who want to hang out with him and I trip. I told him first off I've NEVER stopped you from hanging out with your friends - my only point last night was you were getting all hype and stressed out about meeting up with them and it wasn't that serious. Plus I shouldn't have to appreciate you spending time with me. What I mean is I'm not going to feel grateful and thankful if you spent the day with me. You should want to spend the day with me and its a mutual appreciation.

He said he was happy to spend the day with me and wanted to spend the day with me and it wasn't a chore or anything but he went on to say that at times when his friends invite him places, a lot of times he won't go and he'll make a sacrafice and stay with me. I should appreciate that.

My point is if someone invites me somewhere and I turn them down to hang out with Dave, Dave shouldn't have to feel extra appreciative because of that. I made the choice which means that I wanted to stay with Dave more that night. He can appreciate the fact that I made that decision but if we got into an argument that night I shouldn't say to him you should appreciate the fact that I sacraficed going to a party to be here with you.

Are u serious?

I told Dave, look if you want to go to a party go. I'm not taking it personal, I'll see you when you get back. Just don't stay home and then tell me I should appreciate you more because you didn't go to the party - especially if I didn't ask you to stay. Do I appreciate the fact that you're with me - yes in the sense that I viewed it as you staying with me because you wanted to more than you wanted to go to the party, but if that's not that case then go to the party - don't "sacrafice" something because you think you're doing me a favor.

Are there times when I know Dave really wanted to do something with friends but he opted to spend the time with me, yes. And I appreciate that. Alng with times that I have specifically asked him to miss certain things, but for the most part my whole point is I don't think someone has to be extra grateful or thankful if their significant opts to spend time with them over friends or in general. There should be a mutual appreciation where the two of them appreciate time spent with each other. It should never be a chore.

Now Dave was adamant that he didn't feel its a chore and he wants to spend time with me, but we still ended the conversation with different views on sacrafice. He feels that if he decides not to hang with friends that should be appreciated and it should be, but not because you made some big sacrafice (but because you wanted to stay) if that's the case go to the party and I'll see you when you get back.

Maybe I'm crazy