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Depression Dip

When you're bipolar, you never know what the next day, or even the next minute holds for you. I realized, I'm depressed, and my meds aren't doing me any good--or at least as much good as they should. I have a psych appt in a couple of weeks, so I'll probably just hold on until then. I think I know what started the problem, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to fix it. I can try.

This bout of unhappiness, is pretty much out of my control. Before the periodontist scheduled my dental surgery, she asked how long it had been since I had a mood change. I realized what she was asking, so I didn't answer exactly what she asked.

When you're bipolar, you have many mood changes a day. With meds, the shifts aren't as radical, but they still happen. As a matter of fact, mood shifts are so expected for me that I don't even really notice or acknowledge them. On a "regular" day, I probably shift at least half a dozen times. The shifts aren't related to anything in the environment. They just happen, probably due to chemicals and hormones in the blood stream. People around me notice the changes more than I do. Shifts are as much a part of my life as breathing.

I told the dental doc I hadn't been hospitalized since 1999, and she got an answer she could deal with. I had the surgery. I guess it's been about five weeks now, and I can tell that I'm not eating enough, and it's affecting my attitude. Food is a chore.

I watch "Lakewood Church" on cable TV, and the preacher was talking this week about taking care of yourself physically as well as spiritually. He said if his kids get cranky, it's probably time to feed them. It made me think of the old "HALT" check--Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Do something about it and you'll feel better.

I realized I wasn't cooking, preparing foods in the kitchen, like I'd planned so that there would be something to eat all the time. I usually nibble food that's off limits now. If it comes in a plastic package, it probably crunches. My other stand-by is fruit, and I can't bite into a juicy peach--and that sounds SO GOOD!

I can drink anything and eat foods that can be cut with a fork. However, anytime I eat food with substance, it gets caught between my teeth and gums. Consequently, I have a mostly runny and unappealing diet. If I'd stock up on several flavors of "Ensure" it would help me get better nutrition. I need to go grocery shopping and stock up on the unusual.

I know I need more social life, as well as a better and more nutritious variety of food. Mom, bless her heart, does all she can to help me. She didn't volunteer to start making Jello for me, but we're going to try to get out to eat at a cafeteria every day for awhile. I'm depressed to the point I don't want to get out of the house, and I have to force myself out of bed. I think "kittens" to finally get up, and three babies running for your feet can put a smile in your heart.

It's a different kind of misery to see all the foods I can't eat, and commercials make me nutzo! Usually a cafeteria line will have a few things I can chose from to squiggle down my throat. Anyhow, we're going to give the cafeteria a shot at my appetite tomorrow. Hopefully, it'll help. Mom will get me out of the house anyhow.

The next thing is to get me out in public more. I need to find some nice social group. . . but that sounds like an anachronistic drag, doesn't it?

In the meantime, I'll just continue to love on my three little pooping balls of fur. When I'm sad, the triple sounds of purring are a real comfort. The dogs are even trying to help me feel better. I was watching TV tonight with "Big John's" nose on my lap. Animals are so in tune to their people. Wish there was a way to bottle that!