A little something about nothing

Worlwind of Emotions

Friday started like a typical day and seemed to start ending in a typical fashion as well. I had worked that evening so I didn't get home until 9:45 p.m. Mark had started a fire in the fire pit and we sat outside having a few drinks. We even roasted mini marshmallows (didn't have any of the big one's)! It appeared Mark was starting to doze off so I went inside to use the bathroom and had it in my mind to go back outside to clean up and help put the fire out.

When I got out of the bathroom he was cleaning off the futon in the backroom and as I walked by he asked what I was doing. I'm not 100% what was going through my head at this point, but I chose not to reply and headed back outside to clean up. That is where it all began. After I dropped everything off inside I went back out and opened the fire pit to start moving the logs apart to stop the fire. I hear from inside an irritated voice telling me to stop it and that he'd take care of it. I was very confused why he was so upset. He said I had an attitude and he was sick of dealing with it.

This started a long arguement/discussion. I'll spare you the details of he said/she said, but the basics of it was: It is because of my attitude he decided a year ago that our living situation wasn't working out and he wanted to be on his own and he never felt comfortable doing what he wanted in the house. I'm not saying I am completely innocent; however, he doesn't see his part in the mix either. The biggest thing for him was that when he wanted his alone time I would give him an attitude about it. I tried explaining the situation from my view, but that didn't go over so well.

See, we have/had an odd situation. Prior to moving in we had been hanging out ALL the time and when we weren't together we were talking on the phone. So when we moved in together it was like being a little kid having their best buddy right there with them...you can keep doing everything together without ever having to leave. Which is how it was in the beginning. We ate together, cleaned together, did stuff around the house together, went out on the weekends together, basically everything but sleeping and showering was together...oh and working too. This went on for the first 2 months. Then out of the blue he decides to hang out in the back room or on his computer for a week straight. I'm sorry, but when your typical routine changes especially when he was dealing with his mom progressively getting worse from cancer, I had to question his actions. Not because I was being nosey wanting to know every detail of his actions, but more wanting to make sure he was okay. I won't lie, I also had a little insecurity going on and was a little concerned he had already grown tired of me.

So for the last 3 years of us living together this is how it has been. He will be right by my side for a month or two straight, then without warning he becomes very distant for a week or so. I do admit in the beginning this was very hard for me to deal with, but in the last year it has gotten a lot easier for me. I am not used to someone being so private and quiet. I had also told him right from the start that if we wanted to keep our friendship going so well we'd have to be open/honest with one another so we don't become overly annoyed with one another. Needless to say I yelled at him for waiting 3 years to let me know I was bugging him. His reply was that as a friend I should have known and I should have understood he needed his alone time. I told him as a friend he should have known I am an overly caring person and need to make sure my friends are okay and if he needed his alone time that was fine, but just give me a heads up. That is where he said he shouldn't have to, I should just know. I'm sorry, but I don't recall telling him I have ESP?!

So we did work things out, but it left me questioning if I needed to start looking for a counselor. I was having doubts about the type of person I am compared to the person I thought I was. As the weekend went on and I kept thinking about it...yes, I am one of those over analyzers...I started realizing it wasn't just me at fault here...at least that is what I am liking to believe right now! So although I may have over reacted to certain situations I do feel he is at fault as well. I'm not saying I expect him to tell me every thought or tell me about every emotion he is feeling, but a small clue would be nice. Is that expecting too much??