The Snowflake Chronicles

Blogs

15 Mashiyyat 163 B.E. – October 11, 2006

I have found myself coming to writing.com before I go to be and reading blogs. Tonight the first blog I read concerned fears, which is interesting because I just finished writing in my Bringing Myself to Account journal about my some of my fears. I suppose this could be called a coincidence and I’d call it that myself, if I believed in coincidences. In my life, coincidences occur when either I need encouragement or emphasis put on a realization about myself. In this case, it was the latter.

I am going to continue fighting of course. There is no use giving into fear, even if it is rational, which most of mine aren’t. Actually, the only rational fear I have is of spiders, if one can call, a phobia rational.

I did find a quote by the Bab, that I’ve been looking for. The quote has to do with weaknesses and frailties, but both are caused by fear or rather by focusing on the fear.

“… Heed not your weaknesses and fragility; fix your gaze on the invincible power of the Lord, your God, the Almighty…”
The Bab

I’m moving on in my blog reading tonight. It’s only a little after 10:00 p.m. in Las Vegas and sleep is evading me. Besides there is no use me going to bed before midnight, I’ve been saying the Midnight prayer by ‘Abdu’l-Baha lately and I sleep better. Not only do I sleep better, but it’s easier for me to remember my dreams and make sense of them when I wake up in the morning.

It’s Wednesday, October 11, on writing.com. Usually reading blogs helps me start to fall asleep, but it doesn’t seem to be working that way tonight or this morning which ever. Maybe it is because of the realization about my fears and I’m still attempting to process my discovery. I don’t like being afraid because it tends to paralyze me when it comes to taking action. Usually I just push on through and don’t worry about it, but I’ve been encountering the same situation with my fears more often lately.

I’ve been encountering the same tests over and over. It has to do with some of the fears I brought with me from my childhood. I suppose I could find a psychologist and talk it out, but I don’t think that we achieve anything but talking and I’m not a talker, I’m a writer. I would rather write my problems out, even if it is in a blog for thousands of people to see. True I don’t put all my problems in my blogs. Some of them I write about in my Bringing Myself to Account journal. I’m over coming a lot of my problems, but I’ve still got a long way to go.

I have learned to trust in God more than I used to, this is the results of tests, prayer, meditation, and reading the sacred scriptures. Speaking of the holy writings, I bought a new book on Sunday. The book is the Tabernacle of Unity. It’s Baha’u’llah’s responses to Zoroastrians who ask Him questions. It’s not a very big book, but it’s deep.

It’s about 10:35 Pacific time now, so I think I’ll end this entry and post. I’m still not sleepy, but I’m going to bed and read from my new book tonight.