Dis 'n Dat

A Sucker Born Every Minute

And I'm one of them!!

How can this be?? you might ask. Well...I'm addicted to infomercials. I can't get enough of those darn things!! In fact, after hubby leaves in the mornings I channel surf and see just how many things are for sale at 6 am that I just can't live without.

And friends, there are oh so many.

Here is my current wish list:
Bare Minerals - some crazy, fabulous make-up that will make me even hotter than I already am
Food Saver - Lord, I wish I had the 4 easy payments right now!!!
Swivel Sweeper - this sucker will cut my cleaning time in 1/2...I just know it!
the Wagtail Mop - I never knew how dirty my floors actually were until this badboy came along
Jack Lalanne Power Juicer - I can feel my health getting better just watching this thing work its magic on those veggies and fruits
Billy's Boot Camp - oh yes, the Tae Bo man himself...with results like that I think I can endure his crazy, lazy eye

The good news? I will be starting my new full-time job on the 30th so now I might be able to afford some of these goodies.
The bad? I will be starting my new full-time job on the 30th so now I might be able to afford some of these money and time wasting inventions that will not make me healthier, more beautiful, have a cleaner house and save me hundreds on my grocery bill.

I think if I just keep watching them over and over I will convince myself that I really don't need any of that stuff. You see, I was sold on The Magic Bullet for the longest time. The longest. I wanted one so bad. I could see myself whipping up all kinds of tasty treats for my family. It was glorious. And the add would come on again and again. Once an infomercial ended, I could just flip the channel and there was that magical Magic Bullet. But after the 6th or 7th time I grew wise to their scheming ways. See, they were saying it only takes 3 seconds to make guacamole. 3 seconds!! Wow, that is fast...ahhh, but you forget that all their ingrediants were already peeled and ready and waiting for them on the cutting board. So it didn't reallytake 3 seconds. And everytime they would make something, that Mimi chick could declare how she never dirtied one pot or pan. What??? What about that muffin pan? Or that frying pan you used to make the "3 second omelete"??? And then I just love how they show someone cleaning up "one of those exspensive $200 juicers." That fool is standing by a sink, full of soapy water with a look of disgust on their face as they drop the entire juicer into the sink. Who the hell washes dishes like that???

Reminds me of that Oxy Clean laundry ball. While Billy Mays is screaming at you they show some idiot pouring powder soap from the box to the measuring cup and they're doing it over the washing machine. Powder flies everwhere when the poor bastard dumps too much into the cup and it overflows into the washer and Billy is yelling about how you will never have to pour or measure again. Yeah...ummm...who the hell washes their clothes like that??

I don't know. Perhaps I'm the one doing it wrong. Maybe I should just haphazardly start pouring my liquid detergent (that comes out of a convenient and spill-proof spout) into the handy measuring cup directly over my washer and then become a raving lunatic when I over-pour it because I'm a complete donkey. Then I'll imediately rush out and get the Oxy Clean laundry ball. I'm not saying that the ball doesn't work, but I think the focus should be on the cleaning factor. It takes about 5 seconds (enough time to make a complete Magic Bullet meal!!!) to pour the damn detergent yourself. Showng nimrods who don't know squat about correct laundry detergent distribution will not get me to buy one of those things.

Wait...where was I??

Oh yeah, the Magic Bullet. And those cheapskates only give you 4 measly little drinking mugs to make cocktails and smoothies. Hope you only want to have 3 people over because that's all the mugs you get, pal. But if you order in the next 5 minutes they will double your order!! Oh yes, keep talking. Mama like.

I know!! I'll just take the other 4 mugs with my free Magic Bullet system and then give away the rest of the crap to one of my unsuspecting friends or relatives. Ha ha!! You thought you were going to screw me Magic Bullet, but the tables have turned!!

Now who do I make the check out to?? Yes, I will gladly pay $50 extra dollars for rush delivery. I want those 60 second nachos, like yesterday.

I you Magic Bullet.