Break the Cycle

Factor/Progress: Stik's Anger Year in Review

I already did a year in review in my journal ("Stik's Year in Review, Part 4" ). As for anger management, well, why not recap that, too?

To me, resolving my anger issues was an afterthought resolution that on the whole I didn't keep. Not all was a loss, however. I did get somewhere in figuring out what sets me off. I used to think I was easily provoked, but I know better now. My anger tantrums, when they do flare up, stem from long repressed feelings of frustration. Thus, when triggers come into play, they set off a backlog of emotions. Likewise I've figured out some ways to relieve the mental tension associated with my anger.

The bad news is I did next to nothing to resolve my psychosomatic reactions. Part of that was I had significantly less of those reactions as the year went on. I did have them, though. After I found out my former roommate was circulating a petition for two dismissed football players to be reinstated, I punched the wall of my apartment. Needless to say, the wall won. I've noticed that I'm not as angry after exerting myself, especially when it comes to lifting heavy objects. I think the law of energy comes into play, as my energy is not made or destroyed. Instead, it is transformed from anger to physical activity. I think next year will involve more running or enrolling in a particularly brutal martial art. I find that when people suggest such supposedly mind controlling activities such as yoga, meditation or aikido, I want nothing more than to remain an angry hermit. Only now have I figured out why. I need a safe outlet for my violent tendency. I'm not afraid to hit objects. Ever since my 18th birthday, the looming threat of assault charges has kept me from hitting people. However, I still remember places on the human anatomy where I can kill a person with my bare hands if the time arises. Thus, I need to enroll in an activity where I can simulate those actions, if nothing else to expend the angry energy. Something like kendo or tae kwon do would fill the bill. Of course, the two things getting in the way are finances and lost time chatting with mi amor. I'll wait until 2007 to figure out how to work around that.

In the meantime, rage on.