Bloggin' Umholtz

Some Days the News is Just Baffling

I'm not one to go around reading the online news and entertainment sites very often, but sometimes, just sometimes, mind you it is unavoidable and today, apparently is just one of those days. I've gleaned the following tidbits from noteworthy news sites on the web.

          1. Prostitutes are advertising on Craigslist. This earth shattering piece of news has resurfaced for the third time in the last two months. Now aside from the fact that the news isn't earth shattering and isn't new, I think a more appropriate title should be, In Case You Don't Know Where To Look You Can Find Prostitutes On Craigslist...and by-the-way here's the web address. I'm sure you will receive many letters of thanks...from the prostitutes and maybe a little something extra in your...hmmm...Christmas Stocking...yeah, that's it... Christmas stocking.

          2. Scientists Announce Mad Cow Breakthrough. Through the miracle of modern genetic science the cows are no longer mad! Although several appear to still be slightly irritated.

          3. We found the plane, we didn't find the plane, we found the plane, we didn't... Why do I see two Indonesian reporters plucking petals from a daisy?

          4. Kate Moss has married Shannon Doherty in Thailand.

         5. Kate Moss didn't marry Shannon Doherty in Thailand.

          6. Two Thailand reporters plucking...awww, you know the rest. (What'ya mean I got the wrong Doherty?)

          7. Cheaper Laptops could transform learning. Never mind laptops, what about lap dances? Now there's a learning experience

          8. Some deranged individual is selling Denver Colorado snow on Ebay. It comes in a twelve oz bottle marked Dasani.

          9. In China, it's the year of the fluorescent green pig. In Chicago, it's the day of the spud stud. (Use your imagination)

          10. Britney Spears falls asleep in Las Vegas nightclub

          11. Britney Spears denies being drunk in Las Vegas nightclub

          12. Britney Spears falls drunkenly asleep during Lindsay Lohan Pole Dance in Nightclub. "I guess she got tired of waiting for the lap dance" said Paris Hilton.

          13. Men in India get the, ahem, short end of the stick when it comes to condoms. Apparently most condoms sold there are at least an inch too long.

          14. In San Francisco, a cartoon penis is used to preach about the dangers of syphilis. Wonder if they hand out coloring books and crayons?

          15. And last, but certainly not least, a thirsty German beer drinker sold his dog so he could buy more beer. Guess we all know who man's best friend is now, don't we?

Welcome 2007, green pig and all! Where's Fido? I need more beer.