Jonah's Journey

If I have offended thee

I actually offended someone with "The Advantages of Autism" , hard as it is for me to believe.

I meant for my article to be along the lines of Cat Stevens' way of thinking when he wrote Moonshadow:

"And if I ever lose my eyes,
if my colors all run dry...
And if I ever lose my eyes
I won't have to cry no more...."

You know....looking at the bright side of difficulty.

But someone thought differently.

Here, in part, is what they had to say:

I personally feel a tad offended about how you compare your autistic son to a child of normal development. Especially where you say that his silence is better than hearing endless movie quotes or nursery rhymes. I think a mother of a non-autistic child would talk just as endearingly about their child's endless ramblings as you do about your son's uninhibitedness. Is it fair to say that you prefer one over the other? Children shouldn't be compared to each other like that, regardless of whether they have autism or not. If you had another child who wasn't autistic, would you change your mind? Shouldn't children be appreciated regardless of whether they or silent or are prone to chattering? And why is it bad that some children move onto superheros? I personally beleive that children can be appreciated for everything they give to people regardless what their development is.

I think this person missed my point entirely. For them to say my article offended them is, I think, as ridiculous as it would be for me to be offended if a mother of a blind child said "At least my child doesn't have to look upon the horrors of the world." I mean really. I took what is (believe me) a very difficult parenting experience and looked at it from the angle of positivity and light -- and then to hear from someone that this is offensive, makes me shake my head in wonder.

Get real. I never said my kid was better than yours. OF COURSE children should be appreciated regardless of whether or not, as the reviewer points out, they are prone to chattering. But the truth of the matter is that because Jonah cannot talk, I don't have to hear the chattering -- and that, my dear offended one, is something I consider an advantage. So sue me.

And Jonah DOES have an element of innocence (in the truest sense of the word) missing from "normal" kids. This too is not a matter of opinion. I used "Superheroes and swords" as an example because that's what all my friend's kids are into. And Superheroes FIGHT the bad guy and sometimes GET HURT and these are things my son has no concept of.

Is innocent of.
Get it???

Maybe I need to write another article about how autism SUCKS and how the divorce rate for parents of disabled kids is something like 89% because there is endless FRUSTRATION and WORRY and DESPAIR and DIFFERING OPINIONS among all kinds of family members as to what to do, and when, and why, and how.

For example:

I've got my parents up my ass to make him stop using the sippy cup, when of course they're not going to be here to clean up the spills he makes all over the goddamn place when he spazzes a regular cup all over the couch. I've got his teachers telling us he is hitting and biting, and there are a zillion opinions as to what to do about it. I've got my husband unwilling to set up and follow a visual schedule, when I think it's a good idea. I've got strangers staring me down every time I take my son out in public, for he grunts and groans and growls like an animal more often than not, even when he is being "good." I've got specialists and doctors and other parents offering advice and opinons and behaviour systems and intervention techniques, and creams and powders and medications and music and more. I've got a world that barely understands what autism IS, let alone why it happens or what to do about it.

I'd like this person to parent my child for one week and then come and tell me they're still offended by my article.

Christ.

Now I'm the one who's offended. I have to laugh at the irony of it all. And whatever it is about we humans that makes us go all hot and bothered when we hear something we don't want to hear.

End of fucking rant.


"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried."
         ~ Mae West (1892 - 1980)

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