Who Am I?

A confession

1/15/2007

Ok, are you ready?  I am going to make a confession about one of the major flaws of my character.  It's one I wasn't even aware of until a couple of years ago when our pastor (thanks PK)  pointed it out to me in a counseling session.  What's more, he was quite disbelieving of the fact that I was unaware of this tragic flaw.  Are you sure you want to know?    Ok, deep breath

I. am. a. control. freak.


There it is for all to see.  I actually am fairly mellow on some things.  But in reality I very much have control issues.  I don't like change and I don't like things to go against my plan.  Some days I handle it very well, others, like a baby.lol

I gave birth to a little control freak...actually 2 of them, but one of them has had more time to revel in it...she one day will rule the world...she thinks. :)  She wants to be president so that she can outlaw smoking and put prayer back in schools.  I love her dearly and while I understand that these are things dear to her heart, I will be happy if one day I can help her understand that things are not just black and white.  There are all sorts of gray in the middle.  And not only are there grays, but what you thought was so right once, may one day seem so wrong.  At this point, she just uses her powers of ruling the world on the miniature version of my beloved.  Loudly.  She believes she is right, he is wrong and she's going to make sure he follows the rules.  Today when I advised her that I gave birth to him and it was my job to raise him...she actually looked surprised...Lord above guide me.

OK, I've kind of rambled off of where I meant to be.  The fact of the matter is, the kids are home from school today and I miss my beloved because he's at work.. He just started this job a few weeks ago and I'm still adjusting to him not being home.  I don't do change well.  At least not alot of change at once.

I know, that God is in control of everything.  He's taken care of us through so very much how can I doubt it?  He's brought us through the fire more times than I can count.  Yet, here I sit, worrying about money.  I know that God will provide if it's what is in His plan and if it's not in His plan then He will provide the grace and the means for us to do without.  Of greatest concern right now is this class my beloved is taking.  He has 1 year to finish his degree.  We cant' get financial aid because he's only taking one class-he needs two to graduate and working full time and being treasurer doesnt' give him alot of time, AND the other class he needs isn't offered this semester.  We are flying on faith that God is going to make away for this to happen if it is HIS will.  Scary nonetheless.

Our finances are in God's hands.  They have been for about 4 years. Things went downhill a few years ago when my husband lost his job and we found very quickly to look 1 day, sometimes 1 hr at a time.  So I know better than to look down the road..but it's very hard.  Control issue #1 of many in my life:)

I love my family.  I'm greatful for all that God has given me, materially and otherwise.  For He is an awesome God.  One of my favorite songs is called "The Battle Belongs to the Lord" The last verse is one I claim as my own...'"when the ememy presses in hard do not fear, the battle belongs to the Lord.  Take courage my friend your redemption is near.  The battle belongs to the Lord.  We sing Glory, Honor, Power and Strength to he Lord.  We sing, Glory Honor, Power and strength to the Lord" 

Praying today for the ability to truly Let Go and Let God.

Peace to you all
V