A little something about nothing

Thoughts of a Boy

Before I get to the thoughts, here is a little history...it will make more sense by knowing this...trust me. I met him in 9th grade Algebra class; however, we didn't really talk much and never again outside that class until the year we both were turning 23. This only came about because he was my brother's best friend. Later that year we attempted dating for a couple months. I didn't want it to end, I actually thought we had a great relationship, but he disappeared and it wasn't until much later I found out he thought the situation was too awkward since I was his best friends sister. I let it slide because we were both young and hadn't learned the art of communication yet. Since that point we have remained friends. He does a lot of things with my family and their group of friends and has always been there for us (my family) whether my brother was around or not (like when he was in boot camp and my mom needed help with her car...he left work to come help her). Through the years we have always had a little flirt between us, even had sex once or twice, but never thought to start up a relationship again.

Since May we have been writing each other letters every week...sometimes multiple letters a week, but always at least one. I have been able to see him twice and do get to talk to him on the phone every couple of weeks. By writing letters we have started to get to know the real person each of us are, not just the surface stuff...all the emotions, good and bad things from our past, our likes and dislikes. The flirting still continues and it has been agreed that if my dating streak or should I say lack of dating streak remains the same when he is able to come home we will help satisfy our built up needs.

Okay, here is where the thoughts come in. For a while now I keep going back and forth on my feelings for him. I really like him as a friend and I know I could trust him with anything and I can trust that he will always be there for me. The feelings I'm unsure of is if and how much more than a friend I may like him. I don't know if I am having these thoughts because it is safe since there is no way of testing it for at least another year or if I am truly liking him for more than a friend. I've thought back to when we were dating and although we only dated just over 2 months and trust me I know this will sound pathetic, but at that time I had thoughts he was the one. I'm not sure if it was because he reminded me so much of my brother, STOP, I don't mean physically you sicko's , I just mean his personality and way of thinking.

In the last letter I got from him he said he regretted ending our relationship and regretted not asking me out again. He told me that those words were not being said because he was surrounded by all men, that he truly meant it.

I know, I don't have to really think/worry about this until next year, but it does make me wonder!