Mental Meanderings

It says I'm supposed to blog...

but I'm so not in the mood. I guess I'm here because of the schedule but today I'd rather be anywhere else. I haven't been in the mood to work all day and was kind of thankful that a big part of my workday was set aside for reading.

It's strange having moody days like this. I've always had them but it can be so frustrating sometimes. I wish it were easier to remain motivated all the time. It's like trudging up a mountain, legs caked in snow. A slow slog where you have to keep convincing yourself that the goal at the top is worth more than the hot cup of tea waiting at base camp.

Of course it's too darn hot to really be thinking of snow. I'm in Australia and like many Australians I've never seen snow in my life. It's well and truly the middle of summer here and our lovely country is giving us weather that reminds us we're home for Australia Day tomorrow. Even my airconditioner is struggling to keep the blaze of the day out of my living room.

In the background I've got the TV on and music blarring from the Australia Day 2007 celebrations that must be happening in the Eastern States. Normally on Australia Day the kids and I would go to see the fireworks but not this year and I'm kind of disappointed that I have to break tradition. I think this will be the first year since we were a family (the year before my daughter was born) that I have gone to see the fireworks.

It's sad to give up but I remind myself that it's safer for us to stay home. Normally the fireworks start between 7 and 8 PM at night but this year because of stupid daylight savings it's been pushed back to 9PM and without a car it means we'd be walking home very late at night. It would be an effort to keep my six year old's energy up enough to manage the one hour walk at that time of night and the youngest probably wouldn't even stay awake during the hour walk there.

Still, I guess that could have a little to do with my melancholy today. Part of me feels sad that the kids won't get to enjoy the fireworks but mostly there is this dark, selfish part of me that resents them a little because I can't go. Knowing that about myself makes me feel even worse, guilty for feeling like that. It reminds me how hard being a single mother can be sometimes. If my ex were still in the picture we'd be going because with his support and the car it wouldn't be dangerous.

I suspect a lot of families will choose not to go this year because of the late hour. It's a shame really and hopefully it gives people a reason to lean away from the vote for daylight savings if we're ever given the option again. Odds are we won't be not the politians have pushed it through regardless of the people. But I live in hope and reaquaint myself with the reason I'm an anarchist at heart. lol

I guess we'll have to try and find another way to celebrate Australia Day that doesn't involve leaving the airconditioned comfort of my living room or being out late at night when a great deal of the country will be sloshing drunk. I've no idea what we'll do. But it's a public holiday which means no work so maybe I'll settle in on the couch and watch movies with the kids. We might have to walk up to the deli in the morning to stock up on junk to eat.

Now I'm feeling better, the prospect of doing nothing but chilling out with the kids and eating chocolate and chips is very heartening. It mightn't be a normal Australia Day tradition but it'll be fun all the same.