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Stocking Stuffers

Hey, I just realized I never got you anything for Christmas. Oops. Colour me red. How about an egg roll then? Sorry but that's the best I can do a month after Christmas. All my good gifts have gone. Gone, gone, gone. All long gone. Withdrawn like some long dawn swan song. A swan named Shaun and his friend, Vaughn, a river prawn. Eeek. I suddenly started rhyming then didn't I? That was probably totally inapproriate for a sorry I didn't get ya anything but an egg roll for Christmas, a month after Christmas entry. I wonder if eeek should have a "c" or not? Eeeck? Eeek Which do you like best? I hope this isn't stressing you out. This isn't meant to be a test. Your temple veins shouldn't be pounding. Please relax. Eat your egg roll...but you may want to heat it up first. Speaking of swans, do they ever float about on salt water? I don't think so. They must know the difference between fresh water and salt then. Cool. New topic, I now want to talk about peas. I wonder how peas are depodded? Is that the proper term? Depodded? Deshelled? Peas don't come in shells, they come in pods if I'm not mistaken. Depodded must be right. If it's not it should be. Anyways where was I? Oh yeah, I wonder how all the thousands of peas in my frozen pea package were depodded? It's a safe bet an automatic pea depodder machine of some kind depodded them. That's really quite a nifty machine if you think about it. It's got to separate all the peas from the pods without squishing them. But what did they do in the old days before automatic pea depodder machines? Did frozen peas come in their pods back then? If not, were there professional pea depodders? Moving on...have you ever dropped anything on the floor but still eaten it anyways? I'm not talking about soup now. Lapping soup off the floor wouldn't be very sophisticated, especially if you didn't have a spoon with you, but how about an orange or a banana? Would you eat an orange or banana after they fell on the floor? You would? That's good. Now I don't feel quite as guilty about your egg roll. But seriously though, (yeah like you're gonna start taking me serious now), have you ever really done that...eaten something that fell on the floor? Or better yet...have you ever given something to someone else that had fallen on the floor? Perhaps a kid? They're only kids right? Hell they eat dirt and bugs anyways. They'll never know their peanut butter sandwich fell on the floor right? Have you done that? I can see you trying not to smirk. You have haven't you? You naughty devil you! Wanna try something for me now? No it's not anything kinky. (You really are a naughty little devil aren't you?) Humour me okay. Knock...like you would if you were knocking on someone's front door. No...knock like you really mean it...like you want them to hear you. Now tell me, even though you know it was you knocking, somewhere in the back of your mind does it seem like it was someone else that knocked? Try it again and double check. I hope you're alone right now, otherwise how you gonna explain all your knocking? "Thumbsucker told me to." That's a pretty flimsy defence. I wouldn't want you as my lawyer. It's a good thing I didn't ask you to completely strip naked before knocking. How would you explain that? (Would you have stripped naked if I asked you? I'll bet it's too late to ask now huh? Shoot. It could have been fun. Peas aren't the only things that can be depodded ya know) I apologize for this cruddy entry. I'm feeling silly. I best scoot before this entry starts to lower the high standard of excellence you've come to expect from my journal entries. I'll come back when I'm feeling less silly and more sexy.

Thank goodness you're easily amused. Bye for now.

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