Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

01/29/07 - SNOW!

Monday morning and what do you suppose is facing me today? SNOW! I just looked out of my window and there is a winter wonderland out there! Great! And believe me, I'm being sarcastic when I say that. Brushing off the car, watching out for the Kamikazee drivers on the road (people who have the same driving habits no matter what the weather is), and hoping I have enough windshield wiper fluid in my car is what I have to look forward to when I head out this morning.

My hair looks like a bird's nest right now. I have this love-hate relationship with my hair. I swear it has a mind of its own. There are days when no matter what I do to it, it stills does what it wants to do. I want a piece of hair to go left, but it insists on going right. I want another piece of hair to lay flat, it sticks straight out. And don't even get me started on the "Widow's Peak" that I have to deal with. You know, when your hairline comes to a point on your forehead. Yes, I have one of those. People seem to be amazed by it. I try to camoflage it by having bangs to cover it. I always thought of it as a pain in the butt. To me it looks like Dracula hair. I guess I hide it so no one calls me Eddie Munster. My mom always told me it was a sign of good luck to have one. Yeah, sure it is. I think she just told me that to make me feel better for having freakish hair.

Yesterday my hair looked like a landing pad for a helicopter - completely flat on top. I tried my best to poof it up a bit - to give myself some volume, but my hair won that battle. Hair - one, and me - zero. Then I noticed that my sides of my head looked like I had wings. My hair was sticking straight-out. Again I tried my best to brush them into some kind of order. The brush wasn't doing it so I pulled out my ultimate weapon - a large can of hairspray. Once I got to spraying that, things started happening. First, I sprayed the bangs, then the sides, and then I worked on the top of my head. It worked - sort of. I mean nothing was sticking out, and the landing pad looked kind of poofy. By the time I was finished spraying, I had to open a window to let the fumes escape, and I had 'helmet head' hair. Totally stiff - totally unmovable - totally unbrushable.

When I was finished with the hair, I took a good look at the face. That's when I noticed it. Right there, on the underside of my chin was a big, white on top, zit! Lucky, lucky me! How can I be almost 44 years old and still dealing with zits? Granted they aren't a constant addition to my face, but they do visit every so often. I sat and stared at it and contemplated the age-old question - "To pop, or not to pop." I decided to leave it alone because I didn't feel like cleaning the bathroom mirror.

Next I examined the lines on my face. Or should I say the gullies that have found a home there. I gently patted some concealer on them, but that was no help. It just gathered in the creases. Next came the foundation. So, I smeared alittle foundation on the deep ridge on my chin - being careful of the volcano of a zit that I have. And what do you suppose happend? Well, at first the foundation looked like it was going to work, then it just settled into the ridge. Same thing with the 'laugh lines' around my eyes. Everytime I have to deal with the "laugh lines" I curse myself for finding things funny. They are a punishment for having a sense of humor.

When I was at the mall on Saturday I bought a new foundation. This one is for 'mature skin'. I'm dealing with a zit, but yet I have 'mature skin'. That somehow doesn't make sense to me. Anyway, this new foundation is supposed to hide these creases and lines. I ended up buying it at the local Walmart because the Clinique counter was unmanned or should I say unwomanned. There wasn't anyone there to help me. A clerk from the perfume counter came over and told me they would be back in 5 minutes. SORRY! I have things to do, places to be, people to see. I can't be standing around waiting for the Clinique women to come back from wherever they were. No sale there!

Looking at foundations in Walmart was an adventure in itself. There were so many kinds, so many brands, and so many other women buying foundation. I mean did we all decide to buy new foundation on the same day? I couldn't even get close to the stuff. I had to wait patiently (something I am NOT good at) until the herd thinned. Finally there was an opening at the Cover Girl section. I manuevered through the other shoppers and stood solidly in front of the pretty display of colors.

Upon closer inspection, the stuff was a mess! The samples were all smeared around, the jars and tubes of make-up were all scattered and in the wrong place, and to top it off, they didn't even have a color close to my skin color. I'm fair-skinned and the only colors they seem to have for fair-skinned people are ones that make your face look like Casper The Friendly Ghost. I scanned the aisle for another opening at a different brand of make-up and saw the L'Oreal section was clear. This time I didn't try to "manuever" through the groups of shoppers. Afterall, trying to buy foundation was turning into a big ordeal and I was getting just alittle impatient with the whole thing. I just plowed my way through and didn't care who didn't like it. And believe me, I could feel the eyes of disapproval boring through me. I decided on a color and was on my way. Besides, the crowd started gathering behind me and I could feel someone's hot breath on my neck - YUCK!

Gee look at the time! All I did was rant and rave about my foundation. Sorry about that! I feel like I somehow cheated you today. I would correct it, but I have to start getting ready for work. And that is not an easy job. Let's hope the hair is cooperative, and the zit can be concealed, and the lines on my face are not so deep.

Til tomorrow!