Journal/Blog

Waddling through life.......

Another day, another season, another decade?  How long can I continue to cheat death? Am I doomed to a lifetime of physical and emotional pain? If there were a way out of this prison, would I not take it?

I'm growing weary in my efforts to fight such an unrelenting and tenacious enemy, while those who stand on the sidelines whisper and point.  "How could she let herself get so FAT?", strangers wonder, and quickly turn away in disgust. Assumptions firmly in place.

Sometimes I actually forget.  I'll catch myself, just enjoying life, but something will inevitably remind me that I am still disgustingly fat, and the self-loathing kicks in again.

I feel like such a spectacle in public.  I make it a point to be well-dressed and well-groomed. I'm confident in my abilities and know that I'm a kind and honest person,  yet I still feel compelled to apologize for the "sight for sore eyes" that I have become.

I grow increasingly reclusive, and deeply depressed. My joints are weak and worn and keep me in constant pain.  I am slowly, but continually losing the optimism that used to dominate my  personality. I pray for the strength to live another day.