Life with an Addict

feb 2007

The gambling has slowed down a bit. There have been some pretty rough moments where he deposited blank envelopes in the bank machine and withdrew money. However, we dealt with it and are taking one breath at a time.
There are still days when he's so mean that i feel like crawling in a dark hole somewhere never to come out. There are also days when his gentleness startles me. I guess it's that side of him that keeps me by his side.
My friend believes there are some people who have addictive tendencies, I think he's one of those.
He's now addicted to oxycodone. I'm not angry, I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining, it just frightens me. I can even understand how he became addicted to them. I was prescribed some about a year ago and while taking them I felt like I could achieve anything. The first day I stopped taking them I was depressed and lazy. They only gave me 20 and I took 4 and threw out the rest because I didn't want to become one of the victims.
My husband has been taking them for 4 or 5 years. He's prescribed 180 per month and usually runs out after 2 weeks. he was in the habit of either buying more on the street or suffering it out until his refil came through. Now he's starting to buy oxycontin. When I look at him I can see how it's physically taking it's toll on him and I'm torn between calling his doctor, or just keeping my mouth shut. I've already confronted him and told him that I'm frightened he'll die but he laughed at me. If I call his doctor he will be furious and I'm not sure how he'll react. To not do anything I feel like I've let him down, like I'm responsible for him slowly killing himself. There are also times when I think I'm overreacting, after all, I know he truly is in pain so what alternative is ther. That maybe they won't make him sick.