Catching Idle Butterflies

Of Endings . . . and Beginnings . . . and Love of Words

Endings seem to be running through Blogville of late.

pencilsoverpens is moving to a new country far, far away, and a dear relationship also ended.

scarlett_o_h just wrote her 500th and final blog entry.

There could be more I don't know about, because I haven't been around, nor completed visiting my Blogville buddies that I hope to complete before midnight tonight.

My stepdad had another crisis last night. He misses Colorado badly, and he feels that part of his life he spent the better part of 40 years building and nurturing is now gone. He feels he's too old to build a legacy like he had in Colorado up here. Understandable, and I so wish I could help him through it.

I didn't think of it until long after he left our house last night that his best of all legacies are his two adopted daughters. He taught us the meaning of integrity, of working hard to achieve our goals, and best of all he provided the perfect example of what a husband should be. I know I used him as my template for choosing mine. Though Dave's not perfect by any means, I can't imagine a better man to be my husband.

Change is never easy, many times heartwrenching, but behind every ending comes a beginning.

I made a big step of my own for change yesterday. Some of you may remember me mentioning rebuilding a relationship with my biological father. If you don't know, you can read my entry about it in "Emotional vampire" .

A few days ago, I received a book in the mail from Vanessa, Jim's (my father) wife. It was written by her brother called "Fate" (under the psudonym of Mary Jane). She also included photographs of her and Jim, their new house, and a note asking if she could call me some time.

I thought about it, and figured I was ready to take the next step into a closer relationship with them. I have to admire Vanessa. She sought me out first, with private emails and then the book, things she didn't have to do. That alone shows she's not the jealous monster Jim's previous wife was.

I sent her my cell phone number along with telling her she could give the number to Jim. I haven't heard back, yet, and don't expect to for a while. Having someone's phone number is one thing. Gaining the courage to dail the number, especially after twenty years, will be quite the hurdle to jump over.

I'm looking forward to it.

Though I'm not counting on it, I still can't help but dream all possible dreams at the conference. Will I sell anything, best of all gain an agent for my novel? While publishing it is my biggest longing, it's also my biggest fear. Authors don't get to sit back as the royalty checks come in. Nope, they have to work even harder to meet actual deadlines to get the next ones out, and have them be just as good or even better than the previous. Plus, there's the marketing to consider, including giving speeches, and attend bookstore signings.

Scary stuff.

David McClain talked about reviewing in his second blog entry of today ("Invalid Entry" ). I commented part of the reason people enjoy doing in-depth reviews is out of love for the written word.

I discovered by doing a slew of reviews lately is out of the same love. I love words, always have. The best part is, the more I write, the more I love it. It's my third highest passion of life. Hell to me would be a life without books and without the means to write.

So even though I may fear publication, my passion moves me forward. I can't not write, even in something as simple as a blog.

David McClain also mentioned a pet peeve of people considering blogs not real writing.

Those people don't read blogs. I know. I used to be one of those people. I didn't get hit in the head with a dead mackrel, but fixed my flawed thinking by starting my own.

I can't imagine a better way for a person to improve their writing than through a blog. Where else can a person get instantaneous feedback? We don't have to wait weeks or months on end to discover how someone likes our work, if ever.

In the time I've spent saving my entries, the improvement in my writing has improved ten-fold. No amount of rejection letters, writing books, or even schooling could teach me more than what I've learned from you.

As I take this last weekend and possibly the first part of next week (I almost have PastVoices beat for procrastination) going through the reviews many of you kindly took the time to give me, I will remember your lessons. I may even make you proud.

Write on, fellow Lovers of the Written Word.

Aside: Must be the music I'm listening to, because I did not intend to end on such a sappy note.

Happy Friday, and I hope you have an even happier weekend!