Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

02/10/07 - The Drill Nazi

Yesterday I looked at my calendar and there, written in big red letters, was 'dentist appointment'. Immediately, I felt a pang of, not necessarily fear, but dread. I recently switched dentists and I admit this new dentist is nice. I like him. So it wasn't seeing the dentist that bothered me.

However, there is a dental hygienist (sp?) there who is overly zealous when it comes to cleaning teeth. I mean this woman must really dislike plaque. She has a gleam in her eyes when she first turns-on the drill, and that gleam doesn't disappear until she is done grinding away every piece of plaque she sees. Let me say I go to the dentist every six months for my cleanings. It's not like I neglect my teeth and wait for years on end to have them cleaned. Can they really be THAT dirty after six months? Can there really be that much plaque and crud on my teeth that this woman needs to drill like there's no tomorrow?

I named her "The Drill Nazi" She is the only person who has ever brought me to tears in a dentist office. At my last cleaning, while she drilled away in my mouth, tears ran down my face, into my ears. It was THAT painful. When she was done, what seemed like two hours later, my mouth actually throbbed. And it didn't stop throbbing until two days later!

About a month ago, my daughter had her cleaning appointment. I was worried how she would react to The Drill Nazi. My daughter has no tolerance, whatsoever, for pain. I mean she can't stand to get a shot, let alone have someone drill the hell out of her mouth. So, I braced myself for a major scene. To my surprise, a different dental hygienist cleaned her teeth. She was gentle with the drill and my daughter was done in no time - and without tears!

It seems my daughter lucked-out because The Drill Nazi was at a seminar that day. This led to a whole conversation about how painful it is to have her clean my teeth. This hygienist told me that she has heard big, burly men complain about her too. Now, this didn't surprise me. Not because I've lived through her cleanings, but, let's face it, men can't handle pain. (That's why they can't give birth!) So, I had to discount that. Before I left I made sure that my next cleaning was with the new hygienist and not The Drill Nazi.

Meanwhile, my husband had to go for his cleaning. Wouldn't you know it! He got The Drill Nazi! He was in the dentist chair for over an hour while she drilled away at his plaque and whatever else it is she attacks. He came home from his appointment with his mouth throbbing too. My husband is another one who has a low tolerance for pain. (This is where my daughter gets it from!) He had to take Tylenol, Motrin and whatever else we had in the medicine cabinet. "She really drilled my teeth! It hurts more to see her, than the dentist!", were the comments he had.

You know, as nice as this dentist is, I've had some bad experiences at his office. First of all, there was the time I sat in the waiting room and a little boy said, "Hi Grandma!" to me. (Apparently I looked like his grandmother!) Talk about ruining MY day!

Then, after the dentist examined my mouth, he told me that my 'old' fillings had to be replaced because they were wearing out. Now, wait a minute! How can that be? How do fillings wear-out? What could I possibly be eating that wears-out fillings?

Another time, after The Drill Nazi ground my teeth and gums to kingdom come, the dentist said I needed to go to a periodontist because I may have gum disease. "Your teeth are moving and they shouldn't. The periodontist will do a deep scaling and check your gums" was how the dentist explained it to me. So, he left it up to me to set-up an appointment with this new guy that they referred me to.

What makes him think that I will do that? I say if my teeth want to move - let them! I don't like going to the dentist for cleanings, let alone for a 'deep scaling'. Just the sound of that makes my mouth throb!

I never have a good check-up. Never! There is always a new cavity, or a "shadow" on one of my teeth that needs to be corrected. There can't be a tooth in my head that doesn't have a filling or had some kind of work done to it. There just can't be.

One day, I fear, I will be so disgusted with the whole dental health thing that I will just tell them RIP THEM OUT! Just go ahead and fit me for dentures! No more Drill Nazi, no more "shadows" on my teeth, and, most importantly, no more dentist appointments. That sounds pretty good to me!