After the War--The Journals

In which death is reversed and miracles do happen.

Day 20 6am

I was watching the news on TV. Graphic images were being played across the screen as the bomb went off over the South End; the Prudential Building in Boston imploding,
Fanual Hall crumbling to dust, the steeple of Old North Church toppling over, lying in the cobble stoned street. An announcer’s voice, devoid of all inflection or emotion, calming reporting death tolls, the flooding of the T, the water in Boston Harbor boiling, the USS Constitution burning as the Bunker Hill Monument curiously stayed in place.
A camera panning across the South Shore showing images of waves sweeping over Nantasket and the dark place where Boston Light should have been. A closer camera shot of collapsing buildings as the narrow peninsula was devastated between the wind and the waves. Carousel horses, last remnants of the amusement part that was once Nantasket Beach’s claim to fame, floating loose, riding the waves. I thought I saw my son; his expression dazed and hopeless, scared and I could do nothing. I woke up screaming.

Duncan was immediately in my room, holding me, rocking me, saying words I don’t remember that were meant to comfort. I remember the dream so vividly. The look on my son’s face is etched in stone, fried into the backs of my eyes. Oh, Rob…


10am

I see Sammy wrote down her dream. I think it was good for her to do that. I woke up to her screaming. I tried to help, to wake her up, but it was very difficult. She looked so frightened, so very lost. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose one’s child. Even one fully grown must tear the heart from the chest. I will never forget the look on her face. She is such a strong person, usually smiling, even when there is little to smile about, Sammy is the one who will find something positive. She hasn’t smiled once today. She seems shrunken into herself. I think this may be the first time she has allowed herself to face the fact that a good part of her family may well be dead. She is grieving. Her crying is silent, no raging sobs, but instead, a quiet stream of tears, a hopeless look and it tears my heart out that I must stand by, useless because there is nothing I can do to soften it, to help, to bring back that smile.

1pm

Duncan is lying down with Sammy. She finally fell asleep. I think she cried herself out, poor thing. We have all lost so much. I am sure, however, that she will be alright. Duncan is right, she is a strong woman, in fact I dare say, she is the mentally strongest of the three of us. She just hadn’t allowed herself to accept beyond the wider scope of the group yet. Her mind reached its limit and she couldn’t ignore it or push it aside any longer. Now she will begin to heal. It is an agonizing feeling, death. It is so final. I had the benefit of seeing Freddy die. I saw the end. We knew it was coming and we said our final words. We had a good life, full of love and we were lucky to have had it. Sammy’s son is only twenty four. He was just a young man with all his dreams stretched out before him. So many lives cut short. For what?


5pm

Dinner was quiet tonight. I tried to get Sammy to eat some soup. Duncan has been scarcely more than a few feet away from her all day. I am glad he is trying to be there for her. This is a lonely new world. It is incomplete. We are all incomplete now. Parts of what makes us whole suddenly gone. Today has been the worst day thus far. Her dream has rocked us. We have all been so busy with surviving, with the politics at the castle and now trying to set up and settle in here, that perhaps now was the time. We are more relaxed here. We have a bit of sense in this senseless mess. Today has taken its toll on all of us. Sammy looks hollow eyed. Duncan is as worried and protective of her as one would be of a wife or loved one. Even Danny has whined and moped about today. He only went out for a few moments under protest and immediately wanted back inside.

I feel more alone than I have since Freddy died. I miss him more today. Earlier in this journal Sammy made a comment about the new nuclear family. This is the new nuclear family. Three total strangers now forming a family group, as close and as interwoven as any well established family.

10pm

Sammy is asleep. So is Lilac. Strange, strange day. I gave Sammy something to make her sleep some more. Sleep is the great healer. I hope.

Sammy’s dream reminded me of something I saw that night. The sky had purple streaks flashing in it. Like an aurora borealis. Separate from the horror that caused them, they were eerily beautiful I find that juxtaposition makes me feel very disconcerted.

And, as Sammy would write,
Thus ends day 20. April 15th. No income taxes due this year.



Day 27 April 22 Earth Day

6 am

It has been a week since I have felt like writing. No one else did either. Guess maybe there was nothing of note to say. Three people trying to survive and go onward, who are dealing with what’s left and what’s gone and what was and what will be.

Today is Earth Day. I remember being involved at the very first Earthday, back in 1970. I was at Farleigh Dickenson University in NJ. 35 years ago. We were so innocent then. Peace, Love, Preserve the Planet.

Earthday 2005. High in the atmosphere deadly particles still stream down radiation. The US for all intents and purposes no longer exists. The global community is reduced to pockets of surviving humanity. Perhaps we are even back to being little more than hunter/gatherer societies.

Really, nothing of import has happened this week past. We are existing. We haven’t seen anyone else. We all started working on the garden. We decided to go with the idea even though we don’t know if the stuff that hopefully grows will even be safely edible. I don’t really care anymore.

10 pm

Duncan here-- A pall has pretty much been over this place of late. It was a great effort to get outside and start working on our garden. Everyone’s energy levels are low. Everyone’s emotion levels are through the roof. Tonight helped tho, I think

Today I shot a deer. I have never been deer hunting in my life before. And, truth be told, I really didn’t hunt this one. It was standing at the edge of the clearing, not 20 feet away. I shot it through the (happily) open kitchen window. I am glad it was a buck, as I would have felt uncomfortable shooting a female at this time of year. Funny to be hunting in the spring. Deer season is in the fall. Not this year. Not any more.

Tonight we had fresh tenderloin cooked over the fire. It is the first time we have had fresh food in almost a month. I have never had food taste as good as this did. The deer is hanging out in the shed. I hope to figure out how to dry it or preserve it somehow. The idea of wasting fresh meat is bothersome.

Sammy actually ate a full meal today. She is beginning to come out of that place she seems to have gone. I saw ‘flashes’ of Sammy today. I miss her. We both do.

Thus ends Day 27

Day 28

6am

I woke up this morning and for the first time in a while, I didn’t start crying. I actually feel good. Perhaps real meat helped. Duncan was so excited yesterday. But then, how often does one get to stick a gun out of the kitchen window and bring down dinner. Our heap big brave hunter brings home food for his tribe. Hmmm I guess we are something of a small tribe. Duncan has proven himself as a hunter now and it is, in a funny way, a big deal. He was so proud of himself. And, I guess, it is his right. He was feeding his family, his tribe. It almost seemed like a rite of passage…

10am

Duncan just got back from a walk up the mountain on the far side of the road. He had climbed one of the outcroppings and said he’d seen three people headed this way, down the mountain. We are wary. Everything is closed down. Door is bolted. We are being very quiet. I hope there is no trouble.


7pm Rob’s Blog

Hiyas. Rob here, well actually I’m calling myself Dalthyrian these days, but more about that later on. I can’t flippin’ believe it. We’d always joked that if the world ended to head to Grandpa Jack’s place. When it did, and I was still here, I did. I was up north in Maine for a Revel’s Gathering, sort of a medieval gamers group when all the hell broke loose. We actually didn’t have a clue till we were ready to leave on Easter and my car wouldn’t start. No one’s did. We ended up hiking something like 10 miles into town and that’s when we found out. Whole flippin’ world goes to hell in a hand basket, and I flippin’ miss it! We’d been in our medieval world with nothing electronic, no touch with the outside world and come back to find we’ve all been blown back to the dark ages!

OK. Now the important part. Mom’s here! OMG! This is so totally awesome. She was kind of funny passing out when she saw me, but Duncan filled me in on her last week or so, and I understood better. Hell, I thought the whole fam damily was history. Trust Mom to make it. This is so kewl!

When we got to the cabin, at first we thought it was empty. It was obvious there’d been a dog around though. I figured we’d just go up and yell hello! Most people we met walking here were okay, well except for that one bunch. Won’t, don’t want to go into it yet, but let’s just say, um, my sword serves its intended purpose well. Anyways, we approached and hollered and I heard a scream. The door blew open and Mom ran out and stopped, looked at me, and down she went.

She’s okay now tho. Lilac and Mom have been feeding me since we got here. I am still hungry. We all are. Duncan said he’d been worrying about the deer meat he’d gotten going to waste. Not now. All of us includes me, Skye (her real name is Tabitha) from the revels (Leave it to me to finally find an Irish girl with long red hair and green eyes because the world ended. She hadn’t as much as said a word to me all week at the revels, but we are pretty tight now and laugh about it.

John, Denis and Ray headed back towards Boston. I thought they were nuts, and there was no way I was going with them. I had to get to Vermont. The rest of 'us' includes Timmy, who’s like 10 or 11, that we came across wandering down the middle of the road (not that that’s a problem any more) in New Hampshire. He doesn’t talk. But he just started following us and Skye didn’t want to leave him behind, so he’s here too. Where we found him was near a huge crash on 89. Must have been 20 or so cars and trucks involved. Lots of dead people and lots of flies. Really gross stuff. Reeked to high heaven.

Skye and I decided that since we’d been blown back about 500 years, we were going to just use our character names. They seemed to fit better. Mom keeps calling me Rob, but then I get that. Mom keeps crying, but it is a happy crying. Don’t tell anyone, but I did too.

Duncan just came in with Danny. Danny is one cool dog. Skye says he’s like a living teddy bear. Women! Everyone else is asleep. Me, Skye and Timmy are bunking in the loft. I think Mom thought about saying something about me and Skye sleeping up there together, but then she smiled, shook her head a little and didn’t say a word. As I said, Mom’s cool.

I guess Duncan wants to write some, so I’m signing off. God, I miss my computer. All this writing is hard on the hand, and takes way longer than typing. Lol.

Dalthyrian

11pm

If I had written something like today in one of my books, my editor would have cut it saying it was too unbelievable! Sammy has her son, back from the supposed dead. What a miracle! My heart just contracts into a hard ball of sheer happiness seeing the look on her face! Rob, I mean, Dalthyrian, Skye and Timmy are now part of the family. Dal (rest takes too long) and Skye are kinda cute together and they are clearly falling in love right in front of us. Maybe I shouldn’t have written that down, but it is such a good, happy, marvelous thing in the middle of all the rest of this. I expect their trip to get here wasn’t all that pleasant. But I admire Dal’s conviction in getting here. Those two walked over a hundred miles in the last month, from Maine to Vermont. They got here on a wing and a prayer and sheer guts and determination. That boy is one hell of a man now. Sammy is so proud and happy and excited. Her eyes are shining and she’s alive again.

I just went and looked in on her. She’s peacefully sleeping curled up with Danny.
We are a happy home tonight.

Duncan

Thus ends the best day of the new order, Day 28.