Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

03/03/07 - Fish Out of Water

Lately, I've become aware of, what seems like, a multitude of places that I no longer belong. Places that I used to frequent, when I was younger, but now feel like a 'fish out of water'.

For example, my daughter, who is eleven, asked me to take her to the music store. She wanted to buy a CD of her favorite group. I happily, or should I say 'sappily', walked into the store only to have my ears assaulted with the wailing sounds of the latest number one singer. While my daughter looked for the CD, I decided to look for one of my favorites from the 80's. As I flipped through the CD's a rough-looking teenager, with numerous piercings and tattooes, walked over to where I stood. He had a t-shirt that said "You're Ugly". Nice. Since I couldn't find my group in the current selections, I decided to look in the "Classic Rock" offerings, which were near the "Oldies". I couldn't find what I was looking for, so I decided to ask the Sales Associate (they used to be called 'sales clerks' in my day) for help. He, too, had numerous piercings and tattoes. He smirked and said, "All we have are collections of 80's music over by the Oldies." I walked over to where my daughter was and passed three teenage girls with their stomachs bare and their butts sticking out of their jeans. They, too, had piercings and tattooes. I looked around the store and realized that my daughter and I were the only ones that didn't have piercings all over our faces or tattooes adorning various parts of our bodies.

The arcade is another place that I no longer feel comfortable. When I was a young adult, I could spend quite a few quarters on Centipede or Ms. Pacman. If they have these games at all, they are stationed at the very back of the acrcade. There's no line waiting to play them. Nowadays, the lines form for DDR MAX, the dancing game, which is at the very front of the arcade. Have you seen this game? Loud music eminates from it, and kids stand on a platform and watch arrors float on the screen. The idea is to move your feet in the direction of the arrows. You need a lot of energy to play this game. I break-out in a sweat just watching my daughter.

My sister, who is ten years younger than me, asked me to have a drink with her at a club I used to frequent years ago. Excited to see the place after so many years, I agreed. As soon as I walked in the door, I realized that I am too old to be hanging out in a bar. The place was swarming with young people who, you guessed it, had tattooes and piercings. They looked at me like I'm someone's mother, which I am. The music was too loud and not very good, in my opinion. I asked the bartender for a White Russian and he told me they didn't have any milk. My sister suggested we have a shot called "A Slippery Nipple". I felt stupid asking for it, but the bartender didn't bat an eye. Apparently this is a popular drink. They cost $16 which blew me away. I remember spending five dollars on two shots. I overheard some of the conversations going on around me and longed for the days when I too, had the freedom, the money, and the stamina, to spend all night at a club.

I could go on and on about other instances of feeling like a fish out of water, but won't. It's way too depressing. I guess Thomas Wolfe was right when he said "you can't go home again". But, maybe if I get some tattooes and piercings, let my belly and butt hang out of my jeans, and learn the words to today's incoherent music, I would fit in. What do you think? Should I call my local tattoo/piercing parlor?

Have a great day!