Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

03/06/07 - The Wind - Beneath My Wings Only Please!

As I sit at my computer, typing away, the wind is howling outside. Today there is an extreme wind advisory for our area. Yesterday wasn't much better. Two seconds in the wind, and my hair looked like squirrels ran through it.

I hate, I mean HATE, the wind. What it does to what I call 'my hairstyle' is nothing less than a crime. I spend a decent amount of time every morning trying to get my hair into some semblance of a 'style'. I make sure nothing is sticking up, or out, and that it is brushed into order. It takes me longer to do my hair than anything else. Hell, I've cooked a turkey dinner in less time than it takes to fix my hair. Two seconds in the wind and I can kiss all that work, and my hairstyle, goodbye.

I try to combat the hairstyle ruining effects of the wind by using extra hairspray - like half a can. (Don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure that hole in the ozone layer was caused by me and my hairspray consumption.) I buy the industrial strength hairspray. You know, the 'hair freeze', or the 'extreme hold' varieties. This usually works for those quick gusts of wind that come up out of no where. My hairspray holds firm. However, if the wind is a never-ending gust, even my hairspray can't help me.

My husband tells me to buy a hat. Yeah right. A hat would work - sure it would. First of all, a hat would do just as much damage to my hairsyle as the wind, so what would be the point of that? Secondly, they don't even make a hat that is 'hairstyle friendly'. Have you seen some of the winter hats that they sell nowadays? They are all skull-grabbing, hairstyle wasting, knit things. And finally, I don't have a 'hat head'. Some people can really wear a hat and it looks good on them. I admire people like that because I am not one of them. Sure I've passed those cute looking summer hats at my local department store. I've even stopped and tried a few on. The results are less than attractive. I have the type of head that hats just sit there looking goofy. Besides, I don't feel comfortable wearing a hat. I feel as though people are looking at me thinking, "She looks really stupid with that hat on her head." Or, "Who told her she looked good wearing a hat?" In case you were wondering, yes, I am vain.

The wind is still howling and gusting. I have two full cans of hairspray ready and waiting for me this morning and I'm prepared to use them. Both cans if necessary. Why do I have the nagging feeling that Al Gore will be knocking on my door with a camera crew in tow?