Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

03/14/07 - "Roll"-ing Right Along

I have a problem. Not a big problem, where an intervention is required, or an affect your life problem. This is one of those annoying little 'can't stop myself' problems. No, it's not an addiction problem, unless you count my candy addiction, which is only a problem when I run-out of candy.

No, this problem began long ago. So long ago, that I'm not sure when, or how, it all began. You see, I can't walk into a bathroom without noticing which way the toilet paper is hanging - forward or back. I have an uncontrollable need to have the paper roll forward - not back toward the wall. To me, this is the correct way the paper should hang. Therefore, I take it upon myself to change the roll around so that it is hanging the 'right' way.

Weird, huh? I have changed, I don't know how many, rolls of toilet paper to the correct way. I'm not talking about at home. We are all pretty much on the same page there. Besides, nine times out of ten I am the one changing the roll anyway. No. this problem extends to the outside world and I've noticed it doesn't matter where I am.

Although I dislike using public bathrooms, I was forced to use them when my daughter was younger. I also find myself needing them more and more since passing the age of 40. The 'gotta go, gotta go' commercials could be about me. Anyway, I have used bathrooms that I never would have ventured into when I was younger. After all, marathon shopping trips require at least one bathroom stop. Therefore, I changed many a roll of toilet paper.

Apparently I have taken it upon myself to be some kind of Crusader of Toilet Paper. My mission is to make the world right again by changing toilet paper so it hangs forward, not back. I have already changed the roll around in such bathrooms as; my sister's bathroom, supermarket, work, school, doctor's office, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. I realize that it is a sickness, but that doesn't stop me. I truly cannot control this reflex. And it is a reflex or knee-jerk reaction. Even as I am changing the rolls around I think to myself, "Why are you doing this? What business is it of yours? Why do you care?"

I have made great strides in controlling this obsession, especially since some public bathrooms have those toilet paper locks to prevent customers from stealing their "high quality" toilet paper. (Never mind the fact that I could write my shopping list on this paper, or wrap meat in it. That's a story for another day.) These I can't change, and I leave the bathroom with the uneasy feeling of not correcting a problem. To me, it is an annoyance, a failed mission.

I began to consciously tell myself "Don't change the roll" whenever I notice that one is hanging incorrectly. I just make a mental note that the bathrooms at WalMart, or the doctor's office, supermarket, etc., have the toilet paper hanging the wrong way. As I am washing my hands, I shake my head in disapproval.

So, if you ever invite me to your house, don't be surprised if you find the roll has been changed around. It means that the urge was too strong for me to fight, and I had to correct the problem.

Have a great day!