Who Am I?

controversial opinion ahead

March 20, 2007

First I want to thank everyone for their support and for reading my entry yesterday...I will share a bit more of mom and my memories in a moment but first I'm going to step out onto the ledge and into what is typically a topic that is stayed away from outside of the political circles...a friend once told me-if you want to keep friends you stay away from politics, religion, abortion and homosexuality.  LOL...I'm openly Christian, have given you my opinion on abortion and am about to on homosexuality.  Probably the only reason I haven't opened up my mouth about my political stance..is I dont' have one..I do..I do..don't get me wrong..but it's not clear cut enough and no one has started me on something political that spurred me to write...and yes I know both abortion and homsexuality can be...but I"m giving you my own personal opinion...I have, I suppose, political views on them as well..but..lol...anyway....

Last Wednesday night was our final chapter of "Confronting the Controversies" by Adam Hamilton.  I struggled during our discussion with voicing my opinion, and struggled since with voicing it here.  Not because it's that radical or that I'm unsure of how I feel...not because I'm afraid of what people will think of me because I could care less..and people who know me well will tell you that.

No-I've struggled because I have my personal beliefs...and then I have my gut response.  They are not exactly one in the same.  From the gut, I will tell you that I believe that homosexuality is wrong.  I don't believe it is how God intended things to be. 

As a Christian-I believe that we are to show LOVE to all people.  Everyone...because we are all sinners and God loves us all.  Even as we sin.  I believe that God does not have certain levels of sin...and yes, I believe that homosexuality is a sin....but sin is sin is sin is sin...and that makes someone who is in a homosexual relationship no worse a sinner than me who has a tendency to swear, overeat, take the name of God in vain...or from someone who steals, etc.  We all fall short of the grace of God.  And all, according to the bible, who accept Christ as their Lord and Savior, are welcome in the kingdom of heaven.  It's not my place to judge because the bible says "judge not lest ye be judged" and honey, I'm in no shape to be judged. 

I have a friend, a long time friend who, when we saw each other daily, wore her hair very short and had a tail.  She had a bunch of earrings and was not overly feminine...then again, neither am I most of the time...I grew up quite the tomboy.  She had boyfriends and sexual experiences that she shared with them and later told me about.  Imagine my surprise to find out she was a lesbian.  Imagine my husbands surprise that I never knew...he saw it a mile away he said. 

She introduced us to her significant other...we all hung out for a bit, and my friend and I had a one on one discussion later..so that she'd know we were ok.  I was, and am fine with her choice...though I don't agree with it..and honestly, I don't want to see it.  Maybe that's rude.  But it's true..I have no desire ...part of my concern is and was for C...especially then...mind you, I really don't have a problem discussing...pretty much anything with my daughter...and we have even had a discussion on 'what's gay mean mom"  I tried to be as open and clear as I could...because of some things that were being said about a teacher, I tried very hard to let her know that even IF the teacher was gay that she didn't need to be afraid of her, that it didn't change whether she was capable of teaching or a good teacher.  That I believed it was not a christian choice but that God loved them anyway and we are called to love everyone. 

This leads me to a recent article from the Indianapolis Star


http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007703200428

basically a middle school newspaper wrote an opinion article on tolerance.  It mentioned a gay student and difficulties they face. The teacher/advisor is in danger of losing her job for running the article.  I personally don't think she should be.  Now mind you..the younger set in this middle school is 11..not far from my daughters age..and while I wouldn't be thrilled with the school teaching my child what to believe...I think hearing another student voice the need for tolerence to be a good thing. The article above also tells us that this same school has run articles on std's and birth control, I think...yes I'm being lazy and I could go read it again but I'm not...lol..I, as a parent, would object more to those than an article on tolerence...obviously depending on the way things were worded and the depth of the subject matter.

Tolerance is necessary in life. I will discuss birth control and std's with my daughter.  But because my daugher is only 10 and shows very little interest in boys, sexuality, and what's happening to her body...I'm not going to start a discussion..we have talked about what's going to happen and discussed sexuality, where babies come from and a host of other topics...and I will glady discuss the others as needed or as she asks..and I've tried to keep the lines of communication open ..and yes, I'm aware that other parents don't and those kids need to know too...I wouldn't even mind them teaching or discussing those topics as long as I knew in advance...I know she knows more than I think she does...but I digress...

My issue within myself is this...I believe it's wrong...I dont' want to see it, hear about it, or know what you did last night (even if you are heterosexual to be honest..lol)I dont' want my kids to see it and I don't agree with it.  I'm not comfortable with it.  AT ALL.  Yet as a Christian, I'm called to love and show Christ's love to all people.  It's a difficult thing I am called to....because while I certainly don't believe that those who are homosexual should be mistreated or cursed...I also DO believe it's not of Christ.  I believe those who are homosexual are capable of being decent human beings and of being rotten human beings..no different than anyone else.  I believe they deserve respect and dignity.  Do I believe that a union between two females or two males is marriage...no, I'm sorry I don't.  Do I believe a same sex couple should be able to adopt children...yes.  It's not a contagious disease...it's a choice.  But I do believe they should be held to the same depth of quesitoning and training.

  I struggle with that opinion...Internally it doesn't make sense to me that I don't believe they should be considered married but that they can adopt...It's not that I think it takes away from MY marriage to have 2 men or 2 women marry...because it doesn't...if anything is going to take away from my marriage it's going to be me or my husband...to give anyone else the ability to do so is just stupid on my part.  Single women adopt.  Maybe single men do too..I don't know of any but it could happen...couples adopt and divorce later...child goes with one or the other just like with birth children...to me, they are two different issues...

I say all this, coming from a youth filled with my mom struggling to prove she could handle life with a disability in an able bodied world.  She struggled for dignity and respect and equality.  By the same token, she commanded respect from us.  And we were taught very much to respect other people and ourselves. 

Ultimately...I was rather surprised by the opinions in our group....many were openly tolerant and even discussed their opinions..that they believe that a person's sexual choice is something they are born with.....and if that is the case..how can it not be from God...sighting people that knew they were different from a very early age...then you have the other side...primarily older side..who just believed it was wrong, didn't think those who were gay belonged in the military, etc.......I don't know what to think about the first...totally disagree with the latter...and as usual seem to fall somewhere in the middle.  I do know this.  Were it my child coming to me and telling me they were homosexual....I wouldn't turn them away.  I would love them, accept them and pray for them.  Would I want them coming around with their significant other..yes.  Would I want to see them kissing their significant other..No.  If that makes me closed minded...so be it...I'm not comfortable with it, I admit it..  Doesn't mean I would turn my back on someone because they were.  And just like the kids who were cussing a blue streak in front of my kids...if there were 2 teenagers making out I would say, excuse me do you mind..I have kids here...and that would be regardless of sexual orientation.  But, were it 2 adults..I'd probably over look the heterosexual couple who was kissing...and not overlook the homosexual...sorry...it's what I believe and it's not what I want my children seeing...just as I'm very careful with what they are exposed to on TV...and believe me I'm quite the dictator...lol...hmmmm.......it's just who I am...

Ok..so now onto a mom memory or two...lol...far less controversial...

Shortly after mom got her drivers license and her van, she wanted to take me to the Childrens Museum.  It was a Saturday afternoon, the children's museum wasn't tooo far from home, and so we took off.  Her steering wheel was 0 effort..her pillow slipped...moved the steering wheel and we ended up on the front lawn of the museum

A not so funny...but something we typically dealt with.  When I turned, I believe 13, might've been 12, mom took me and my best friend Jenny to the local Chuck E Cheese..only when we got there the curb cut was blocked.  Even though the handicapped parking place was available...the one and only curb cut was blocked...we couldn't get mom inside.  I had to go in and tell the manager and they paged the guy..but they were less than concerned or helpful when that person didn't come out.  Finally the manager came out, mom raised Cain..threated to call and report them to the better business bureau among other things..and we managed to get inside.  It was frustrating for all of us though.

One other time or typical time I should say..that stands out for me is when mom was in the hospital.  Every time she was in the hospital...after she was "out of the woods" but not well enough to go home...she would wander on her cart.  In early years it was to go out and smoke.  In later years, it was just to get out of her room.  As long as she wasnt' on an IV she could go...later years she had to stay on the floor...but we would go wander and walk and talk.  Sometimes we'd be silly...sometimes we'd just share...occasionally we'd race...but we'd make lap after lap.  The last hospitalization was no exception and we had some good times.  Some good discussions and some pretty good silliness.  The hospital she was in had a newer section and an older section on the same floor...and we wandered into the older section and while I can't tell you what was said...I do remember feeling like we weren't supposed to be there and some silliness that occured because of it. 

Years ago, at a different hospital, mom had to go outside and smoke.  While it wasn't something that any of us liked...because many of her issues that landed her in there were her lungs...we would go outside with her...At one point the administration decided anyone smoking had to be so many feet from the hospital...mom couldn't get out to the smoking area even outside becasue of where it was located.  The security guards who were by the doors managed to never see her smoking over on the other side.  She knew them all...and they knew her...as a matter of fact..she seemed to be known by everyone...she was hard to forget...

If we lost her in the store...we'd just ask someone if they'd seen a woman rolling around on a five foot cart...they never forgot if they had...lol

Ok, well this is long enough...sorry if I've either irritated you with my opinions or bored you with my memories.and thank you for your tolerance..

We have a ballgame tonight.  The team with the bullies on it.  C is hopeful...so I'm hopeful she's not going to be intimidated...I'll try to remember to post an entry letting y'all know how it went.

I'm thankful that I live in country where I'm free to voice my opinions.

blessings
Vicky