Catching Idle Butterflies

Write me a prayer, or is it pray me a writer?

The last few lessons of Disciple focused on prayer. We even spent one entire week on The Lord's Prayer alone.

Even though we finished those up two weeks ago, I can't shake my need to think about them.

Jesus prayed a lot. He prayed to rejuvenate his spirit, prayed for people to be healed, prayed to cast out demons, and prayed before he chose his disciples, and he taught the rest of us how to pray through the Lord’s Prayer. He prayed his hardest on the Mount of Olives:

“There he told [his disciples], ‘Pray that you will not give in to temptation.’

He walked away, about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, ‘Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.’ Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him. He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.” ~ Luke 22:40-44

I don’t have much of a prayer life. Unlike some I know, I don’t set aside a block of time per day to pray. I don’t pray before every meal.

Oh, I talk to him all the time, but it’s more on a friend-to-friend-let's-chat-about-the-little-things-over-coffee level. I don’t pour my soul out to him as a hurting child to a father, or even a mother for that matter.

In some ways - perhaps a lot of ways if I am to be completely honest - I take God and his blessings for granted.

Will that ever change? I don’t know, but it might. Perhaps.

I finished my NaNoWriMo novel last night - at just shy of 70,000 words. I’m sure when I tackle the second, third, fourth - to infinity drafts, it’ll grow. I doubt if it will exceed 80,000 words.

Now I get to tackle my “real” novel, the one I’m trying to get published, and the one I asked for help on my title.

Aside: “Seekers” was the favorite with 10 out of 32 votes, “A Naked Mind” hit 2nd with 7, and “Thought Killer” came a close 3rd with 6. Thank you to all who participated! I still haven’t decided, though, because perusing the book store last week, I came up with 4 others. Yippee.

This book was my first ever novel. I wrote it in only three months, and is the first in an entire series even I don’t know where it’s going to end.

After thinking and thinking, and even doing some editing on a hard copy so it’s a A - A+ novel instead of a B - B-, it now scares me some. Do I have what it takes to write an A+ novel? With this thing being about 4 years old now, and having 10 major drafts already, do I have the courage to, in a way, start over? Will I butcher it so bad it becomes worthless?

That’s where a disciplined prayer life will help. If I pray before I write a single word, if nothing else, I will write without fear.

If this is the story God wants me to write, then it only stands to reason he will help me write it; whether he takes away my fear, helps me to focus on the story, use every smidgeon of knowledge on writing, scripture, and life in general I have, or all of the above.

At the end of every Disciple class, we write down any prayer requests. After the last two classes I’ve requested prayer for focus on my writing.

I’m understanding now why God’s teaching me about prayer. I can’t write as well as I should, as well as he needs me to until I learn to pray and pray well.

I have to laugh, though. Even when I'm scared, or even hate writing to the point I long to quit, I keep writing, even if it's to complain about how much I hate it and want to give it up.

Nothing else tells me God meant for me to be writer more clear than that. So, I'd better get to writing - after I say a little prayer . . .