Catching Idle Butterflies

Well what the world.

I typed up today's entry yesterday, but I made a big mistake this morning. I reread it.

It's awful. It's not like it's terribly written grammar-wise. I think the subject is rather interesting, both when I wrote it and now.

The trouble is how it comes across to me now. It sounds braggadocios (Isn't that a great word?).

But, I'm not going to worry about it, because my reaction is quite normal. It's hard for many to talk about themselves - especially in a positive light - because others might see it as conceited or arrogant. In actuality, they're being merely honest.

I just thought of something else along those lines, but first I'll load up my original entry and then write about it:

What's My Name?

My dad’s wife, Vanessa, sent me an email yesterday talking about names. I had asked her why she uses ‘butterfly’ in her email address. She told me ‘Vanessa’ means ‘butterfly’ and ‘grace of God’. So said the baby book her parents looked through in deciding her name, anyway.

She also wrote this which intrigued me some: “In Wild at Heart and Captivating (books by John Eldredge and Stasi Eldredge) they talk about what is the name God gave you, not your parents.”

I’ve talked to others about the name God gives us, and how sometimes it’s much different from our earthly name. They also described (and Vanessa did as well) how they prayed for their spiritual name, and God in turn let them know what it was. I admit to some curiosity about that, though I have yet to ask.

Part of me wonders if it’s all that important. I mean, does knowing really change anything? And yet, in some ways I think it is important. For instance, I love when someone dear to me calls me by a pet name. My grandmother and grandfather on my dad’s side always called me Andy, but I didn’t much care when others called me that. It was special, between my grandparents and me alone. To have a name only my heavenly Father calls me by, that’s even more special. After all, don’t we all want to know how God sees us?

If I ever find out what that name is, I doubt if I will share it with anyone. Again, it would be something special that I want to keep between me and God.

I did look up my name, Alexandra, at a baby name website ( http://www.babynamesworld.com ). It’s Greek and a derivative of Alexander which means ‘defending men’. I’ve looked it up in other places and they said ‘defender of man’. The shortened version, Andra, means ‘man’ or ‘warrior.’

Though not as interesting or lovely as ‘butterfly’ or ‘grace of God’ (let alone feminine!), I like it. I like to think I’m a good defender of people, or at least I try to be. Being a warrior, I sometimes see myself that way as well. Sure, I’ll never fight in a battle carrying guns or swords, but there are spiritual battles I must fight.

Hmm. Maybe my spiritual and human names are pretty close after all . . .

And here I said I wouldn’t tell you! Ha! Maybe God’s other name for me is ‘Liar’?

Talking about how people perceive me, and then the subject of names, it reminded me of something that happened when I was eight.

I was talking to two of my friends about how we were named. I told them how I got mine.

When pregnant with me, my mom saw a television show on the Russian Czars Nikolas and Alexandra. She decided then if I was a girl, she'd name me Alexandra.

Their reaction so surprised me, I couldn't respond. They teased me rather cruelly with statements like, "Oh, so you think your a queen now, huh?"

I smile about it now. I bring it up only because I happened to remember it.

Now bow down before your Queen!

*Runs away before Queen scarlett_o_h orders ccstring to come after me with his Jabby Stick Thing.*