Timing is Nothing

(Chpt 1) Timmy

"All you need to do is press the trigger and shoot. It's really easy don't worry" he said confidently "Besides, the controller really accentuates your hands...you have beautiful thumbs, very skinny. They must be fast!" The poor nerd next to me continued to babble endlessly as I glared across the room at Ava. If looks could kill she would have dropped dead that second. Instead she smiled and put a delicate hand to her mouth muffling the smallest of giggles. Under normal circumstances her laugh was instantly infectious but these were not normal circumstances and this was not a normal double date.
"If you're my best friend Josie Howard," she had pleaded the night before, "you'll come with me tonight. Mark says Timmy is really great."
"Do I really want to belive everything that Mark says?"
"He wouldn't lie to me or you." She looked so serious.
"Fine." I stated lamely, "But only because I've known you since...forever. You really owe me for this one."
"You know you're going to have a great time, I'll be there!"
I suppose the night had started out just fine. Ava, Mark, Timmy and I met for dinner at Moxies but after we sat down, it became a slow and painful process. What Mark, Ava's boyfriend since they were 16, had failed to tell her is that Timmy is a giant nerd. He plays video games, collects Pokeman cards, flosses his teeth at the dinner table, drinks Shirley Temples and wears magnifying goggles (a million times stronger than everyday prescription glasses). I kept reminding myself that maybe he's a really nice guy in spite of it all, that I should give him a chance because this maybe just be how he is under pressure. Think kind thought didnt last long though, he brought me back to reality. At 23, the poor soul still live at home with his Mom, shared a room with his 19 year old brother (who regularly beats him) and sleeps with a vintage Spiderman night light!
"Yeah it really sucks. The other day the big bone head went over to my side of the room kicked my night light and picked up one of my books! I have the books in a specific order, by date of release actually and he never puts them back where he got them from.He knows it makes me angry when they're goofed so I told him to put it back. Instead he walked over to me and hit me with it right over the noggin! I still have a goose egg. Want to touch it?" I shook my head violently as I wanted nothing to do with him, his head or his goose egg.
"I cried a little, I'm man enough to admit it, it really hurt. I didn't know that books could be so vicious but I guess mom is right. You do learn something new every day."
All I could picture while I suffered through the rest of dinner was a tiny room shaped like a box with a tiny bed against the opposing walls. All of this would be accentuated with a giant strip of yellow police tape marking a line down the exact middle of the room, dividing its belongings appropriatly.
"Timmy what book was it?" I asked with a smile checking out the hot bartender across the room.
"Green Eggs and Ham. I love Dr. Seuss, he's my idol" At this I started snickering. I was about to erupt into total hysterics when Ava kicked me roughly in the shin and shook her head. The boy got his ass kicked by a child’s book! Not just any kiddy book, Green Eggs and Ham! It was the greatest thing I'd heard in my life. He deserved some kind of trophy didn't he?
After the strenious dinner we went back to Timmy's place. Mark was driving so it was more like a hostage sitaution. They had kidnapped for for the evening and now were forcing me to play nice.
"We wont be long" Ava whispered in my ear as we drove to hell and the boys infront listened to their music.
"This was not apart of the deal!" I hit Ava in the shoulder.
"I'm sorry but Mark and Tim work together, it's not like we can say no."
The drive to the house in reality was about ten minutes but in Bad Date Time, it was atleast seven hours.
Timmy's mom was out for the night and so was his brother. We walked into the quaint little home and Timmy grabbed my hand. I tried to pull away but he had the death grip. I was dragged to his room where he showed me his book collection, afterwards re-enacting the beating. He actually did it just as I imagined. Even the room was close to how I'd imagined, minus the tape divider. What I hadn't expected to see there was the large deam catcher above his bed. That must be a real chick magnet! When I was finally alowed to leave the funny little room he hauled out his x-box, sitting down for a fun game of Halo 3. I hate video games.
Now I'm here wanting nothing more than to strangle Ava who, I'd like to think didn't put me in this situation on purpose. I couldn't think of anything in the past decade that could have merited this kind of cruel and unusual punishment.
God answered my silent prayers at 11:30. Well I supposed Timmy's Mom answered my prayers but close enough. She called to say she was on her way home from wherever and Timmy scrambled to get us out. He hadn't asked to have us over and I would bet money on it that he was afraid of being grounded for sneaking around.
I basically ran to the door I was so excited while the people I used to call friends strolled slowly behind me chatting with Timmy. I couldn't get them out the the Jeep fast enough! By the time we piled in and did up our seat belts, I was fuming. Was this some kind of joke?
I didn't know which one to be more mad at. There was beautiful, innocent, quiet Ava South my best friend since grade 8 and soul mate for life or the boyish, practical, intelligent Mark Jones? I wanted to think that they were equally guilty but they weren't Ava promised it would be quick and painless, something I can deal with and Mark said that he's a really great guy. He sleeps in Cat in the Hat pjs...he's perptually 3 years old. That's sad, not great.
When the car had safely passed the first set of lights and the little house was well out of sight, the two losers sitting in front laughed hysterically.
"I had no idea the guy was so strange Jo. I'm sorry but that was the best, worst date I've ever seen. You can't even make that kind of stuff up!" Mark was right, you couldn't; which is why no one was going to believe me."Steph and Kelly are going to have so much fun with this one."
"He's a nice, very smart, obviously funny guy...but he's got a few screws loose! He's right up your alley there Cookie." Ava chimed in.
"Well thanks Muffin but that was a low blow!" I rolled my eyes.
"Think about it though! Look at your last few boyfriends, totally weird and quirky. The list goes on way up into the triple digets, but I think that the last 5 were defiantly the most memorable"
She was referring The Riot Rockets. It was a band we knew ages ago. They had the dumbest name,worst music and sickest fashion of anyone I'd ever met but inspite of everything they were freakin' hot! They were so full of energy and life that you just couldn't help yourself; you just instantly wanted to be all over them.
Mark won tickets to some local Battle on the Bands kind of deal but couldn't go. Ava and I took the tickets and made a friday night of it, literally a night. We got to the battle by 9pm and were not home until 9am the next day. Mark was not to impress when we rolled in bright and early.
During the concert Ava and I joked around about all the concerts we had seen on Much Music and MTV when she dared me to fling my bra on stage. As I am never one to turn down a dare, I did it. It hit the Bassist, Brad, right in the face! He was so amused that he made a point of finding me when they were off stage and awkwardly returned my bra. Over the next three years I dated them all. Brad the Bassist (he sounded like a vacuum when he kissed), Perry the drummer (he picked his nose when he thought no one was looking), Jesse the 'rhythm' guitar (stuttered and spit when he talked), Jeff the screamer (he just talked way to loud) and Miles the star (he couldn’t keep his you know what in his pants, stupid boy).
"But they were nice boys" I pointed out.
"Isn't that what you're mom says to us when we're being stupid?" she inquired, sticking her tongue out.
"You've really found yourself some winners Jo. Makes Timmy look pretty good." laughed Mark.
"It's not easy for everyone. Not everyone is lucky enough to find someone perfect right away." I retorted very seriously.
Mark and Ava, both 21 now, had been together since they were 16. He was the school's track star and an avid bookworm but he had what Ava referred to as a "Sexy Superman vibe".
"When he's doing math or reading he's really geeky just like Clark Kent...but when he's running or even just hanging around he's defiantly Superman...minus the tights, there for equaling sexually attractive. Somedays I could just pounce on him" Then she would let out a loud sigh and day dream. Althought I kind of agreed, I would sit there and look at her like she had escaped from a mental institution. He had the dark hair, bold rimmed glasses, vibrant green eyes and chisled features just like Superman but he wasn't as muscular. He hasn't changed at all since he was 16, he still wears the same black rimmed glasses and is scrawny as ever.
At the Winter formal that year there was a red carpet and Ava looked amazing. To this day our friends and former classmates still talk about how stunning she was. She wore a black halter-top dress with red detailing that hugged her little body in all the right places. Her long blonde hair curled sweetly over her shoulders and she needed little to no make up on her perfect white skin.  We were stepping off the carpet onto the tile floor when her feet went right out from under her! I was embarrassed for her but before I could help her (my date!) Superman appeared from no where and swept her up. They've been inseparable ever since.
Actually the three of us have been inseparable ever since. I should have felt, and maybe even should feel, like a third wheel but I've never had that problem. I'm there for everything. I was there for their first kiss, their first date, their first fight, their first anniversary and their first sex-capde but they don't know about that one. We were 17 and at a track party. Someone in a moment of gross-ness had plugged the sink leaving me in the shower trying to wash off the beer on my white t-shirt. They stumbled in all drunk and did it there in the bathroom with me there behind the curtain! It was probably the most awkward moment of my life.
"I've told you about that Jo! That soulmate thing's not a fair argument" complained Ava.
"Yeah, yeah. It was a total fluke. I know the story, I was there for the whole thing. Just leave my loser filled love life out of it. I'll find myself a nice non-loser eventually."
When we got back to the apartment, which we all shared, I went off to my room. As I was changing I stopped to look in the mirror. I was short, maybe 5'3 and had what I considered an awesome body. I had a great metabolism so I worked out minimally and still had a slim, svelte figure. I had rather nice boobs, or so I had been told (I always considered boobs funny looking on me or otherwise). I had long dark brown hair with bright blue eyes and a few freckles here and there. I looked average; I was average. So why can't I just find an average guy? I'm smart,  funny, not psychotic, I don't really cry, no temper...overall I'm stable, I have amazing earning potential...what more could a boy, or his mother, want!?
As I lay in bed, the evening played out in my mind all over again. I had tried and succeeded in giveing him an honest chance until Green Eggs and Ham but he just wasn't it. I wasn't willing to settle or lower my standards, not yet...I'm only 21.