Finding Home

Chapter Five

         The things Laney and Gabe told her about the Kapshaw family were enough to leave her in complete awe.  From the man who was her great-grandfather who had wooed a wealthy female journalist during the Depression, to her cousin Evie who could sing like a woman three times her age.
         The threads of journalism and photography wound its way through the family, from that great-grandmother, to Laney, to Doug—the namesake of the great-grandfather to Evie herself who loved art more than music.
         She had cousins that were professors, interior designers, ranchers, artists, athletes and coaches.  From the Kapshaw farm to a ranch in Montana to a “fancy” house in Chicago, her unknown family was an intriguing puzzle of numerous personalities.
         Laney and Gabe had told her that her grandmother, the mother of her father, was on her way up from Florida and would be there tomorrow.  It was strange how quickly Deb had gone from dreading family meetings to being eager for them.
         She’d seen pictures of her father as a boy, looking so much like Gabe.  He’d also looked sweet and innocent.  Deb had to wonder if they only showed her pictures of him as a child on purpose.
         Still, the afternoon had been full of information and Deborah was so thankful that she’d found these wonderful people.  Though they could never replace her adoptive family, she felt lucky to have found a second family equally willing to take her in and take care of her—no questions asked.  She didn’t think she could count herself any luckier.
         She knew they were leaving out large chunks of information about her father.  Right now, she was glad of it.  Perhaps once she’d really grown accustomed to the idea, really accepted what was happening and how it related to her, maybe then she’d be able to get the real picture of Roger Kapshaw.  But, right now, she liked the glossed over version.  She’d wait to dig and ask questions until she knew she could handle it and accept it.
         Walking out of the Kapshaw house, Laney once again asked her to consider staying at the farmhouse.
         “It’s nice of you to offer, Laney, but I just don’t think I can do it,” Deborah replied surveying the cozy abode.
         “Plenty of space—it used to hold five kids.  There are home cooked meals almost every day.”
         Deborah smiled at the offer, but she didn’t really feel comfortable with the idea of it quite yet.  “I’m sorry, thank you though.”
         “Oh, don’t be sorry.  Just know the invitation is always open.”
         “Thank you, that really means a lot to me,” Deborah replied.
         “Mrs. Kapshaw’s flight gets in at three.  You will come for dinner, won’t you?  It’s about an hour drive to the airport, so we’ll probably have dinner around six.”
         “Of course, I will be there.”
         “She’s so excited to meet you, really.  Losing Roger—not just his death, but him being so far from the family—she always held out hope for him.  Now, she has you and it’s… it’s really amazing, for all of us.”
         Not sure if that was comforting or worrisome, Deborah merely nodded.
         “We’ll see you tomorrow at six then.”
         “I’ll be there.”
         Deborah walked to her car, shivering against the cold afternoon wind.  The sky was a vivid, clear blue with dots of white clouds.  She could get used to it, she knew and that always sent a niggling fear through her heart.
         She drove back into town trying to really get a handle on everything that had happened the past week.
         It wasn’t an easy task.  So much had changed and none of it had been in a way that she expected.
         Since she had gone to live with the Stones and realized she could control the things in her life, she had been all for order and control.
         Perhaps that’s why she’d started looking for Roger Kapshaw in the first place—to close that last chapter of unknown chaos that had ruled those first few years of her life.
         And now, she felt her careful planning and control slip completely away.  Surprisingly enough, it didn’t feel all that scary.
         She pulled into the parking lot of the hotel trying not to think about the future, but instead take one day at a time.
         As she took the stairs up to her hotel room, she noticed someone standing in front of her room door talking in undertones on a cell phone.
         As she approached her door, she recognized the voice and the body: Kyle Connelly.
         He turned and offered a charming grin.  He was wearing a suit, the tie loose around his neck.  It gave him a casual yet debonair air that she didn’t like if only because it made him all that more attractive.
         He slapped the phone closed.  “Hi.”
         “Hi.  What are you doing here?” she asked suspiciously.
         “Had something to give you and I was out in Iowa City for a meeting, and I pass the hotel on the way back home.”
         “Okay.”
         He held out a folder full of papers.  The logo on the front was the silhouette of an old-fashioned house with a KCR superimposed on the top.
         “What is it?”
         “Just the material we give clients who might be interested in investing.  I know you’ve got a lot going on and this isn’t meant to pressure you.  I just wanted you to have the information whenever you’re ready to consider it.”
         “Well, that’s very… thoughtful, Kyle, but my home is in Detroit.  I’m sure the places will be lovely, but-”
         “People move all the time.”
         “I suppose they do, but I’m not planning on moving or changing my life.”
         Kyle shrugged.  “I can understand that, but Deborah, I saw the way your eyes lit up when you saw that place.  Now, I admit I considered that I was imagining things—projecting if you will.  But, I really think you saw what that place could look like.  You had an office and your own place all furnished and decorated in your mind’s eye.”
         She didn’t like how close to home that hit, but she refused to let her surprise show.  She still had enough lawyer in her to accomplish at least that.
         “I feel the same way when I see a building like that—maybe not furnished or decorated totally, but I can see the end result.  I can see the potential.  Some places, it’s purely business and some… some it’s like a connection.  The one’s that are like a connection I don’t let go unless I absolutely have to.  Those don’t come around very often and they mean something, really mean something.”
         “I don’t have a clue as to what you’re talking about.”  But she did, because that’s exactly what it had been—a connection to that place.  She’d felt it envelop her and she’d felt a belonging that in had eluded her the entirety of her life.  Many places had felt like home, but none had felt like a perfect fit… like she really belonged a part of it so deeply and passionately.
         Kyle was quiet for a moment, measuring her face in a way that spoke of an understanding that was in no way welcome.  “I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.”
         Suddenly weary, Deborah waved the folder in his face.  “Look, I’ve got the information, what more do you want?  You want to hold a gun to my head?  Because that’s about the only way you’re getting me to change my whole life for some building.”
         “I’m not going to force you—weapons or otherwise.  I can hope to persuade you, and as a businessman I have excellent persuasion skills.  But, it’s more than that Deborah.  Have you ever felt that way before?  Like you belonged there so fully and rightly?”
         “Kyle-”
         “Just answer me that.  One simple question.  Have you ever had that tie to anything else in your life beyond the people you love?”
         She didn’t want to admit it to him, but he seemed so passionate about it.  She imagined that it was a feeling that meant a lot in his business and made him good at what he did.  “I guess… not.”
         “Then, just consider the deal.  Look over it.  You owe yourself that much, don’t you?”
         “Kyle, you’re persistently frustrating at a time in my life when I don’t really need anymore frustration.”
         The lopsided grin almost had her smiling back, but she held strong.  “I’m not trying to make things more difficult, but sometimes it’s hard to find the right fit.”
         “Detroit fit just fine.”
         “Fit as in the past tense.  Whether you like it or not, your life and yourself changes when you find out who your family is.  You have to adjust and it’s no easy feat.  Maybe you can go back to Detroit and be happy, but maybe you can stay here and be happy too.”
         “You sound like you’ve got experience.”  He’d hit her feelings exactly on the head, so keenly that she had to believe there was something in his life, his past that somehow mirrored her own.
         Kyle smiled, but there was sadness behind the smile.  “Let’s just say I can clearly imagine what you’re going through Deborah.”
         “That doesn’t answer my question.”
         “You didn’t ask me a question.”
         She couldn’t hold back the smile this time.  “I don’t know how I feel about you Kyle.”
         His grin went from sincere to seductive in a flash that had Deborah’s hear beating erratically.  “I’m good with that, for now.  I’m going to repeat my offer for a drink or lunch or breakfast or… anything.”
         “And I’m going to repeat my declining of the offer.”
         “Too bad.”  He pulled his keys out of his pockets, twirling them around his finger.  “Take a look at the stuff.  Call me if you have any questions.  My card is in there if you happened to lose the one I gave you earlier.”          
         “You don’t give up, do you?”
         “Not yet.”
         “Good bye, Kyle.”
         “Bye, Deborah.”
         He walked away and left her with mixed emotions.  He, himself, was amusing and definitely charming.  He had an easygoing, understanding nature that just seemed completely natural.  But, he was also prompting her to make decisions she didn’t want to make.  She had to take this whole ordeal one step at a time.  Which meant meeting her grandmother first.
         She’d never had grandparents.  The Stones, being later in life when they had adopted her, had already lost their parents at various ages.  Both were only children, so there was little extended family to speak of.  She never thought after twenty-eight years a grandmother would be thrown into her life, but tomorrow one would.
         Deborah entered the hotel room on a sigh, the folder heavy in her hand.  Well, did it really hurt to look?  Shaking her head at her own weakness, she sat down on the bed and began to pour through the materials.

         The nerves, this time, didn’t hit until she actually got out of her car.  The driveway was full of cars, likely belonging to most of the cousins she had met already.  Still, as she stepped out of the car she thought of the woman who was her grandmother.          
         This was a woman who had given birth to a man like Roger and a man like Gabe.  In her mind, she couldn’t quite put it together.  What made two different sons take two completely different paths?
         Deborah didn’t know, but meeting her nevertheless was daunting.  She wanted to make a good impression, especially after what Laney had said the night before.  If she was a chance for the elder Mrs. Kapshaw to have some closure in her son’s life, Deborah only hoped she could be that.
         She knocked on the door, heart beating wildly in her chest.  It was almost amusing how many times she’d knocked on this door with her heart in her throat and how each time she’d been greeted with nothing but welcome and respect.
         This time Becca answered.  Or Kayla.  The fact was, she hadn’t quite gotten everyone’s name straight.  She had basically gotten down who belonged to whom, but names weren’t all fitting in the grand scheme of things.
         “Hi,” Becca or Kayla greeted cheerfully.  “Come on in.  We’re all in the living room except Mom and Grandma—they fight over the kitchen every single time.”
         “Okay.”  Deborah followed Becca or Kayla into the living room where the Kapshaws were arranged as they usually seemed to be—pods of couples and conversations.  Georgia and Josh were missing, as was Ella and the baby.  Paul sat with the two year old easily bouncing her on his knee.  Gabe sat talking to Evie and Logan and from the looks of things was getting nowhere with whatever he had to tell them.  The other half of Becca or Kayla was curled up in front of the fireplace scribbling in a notebook.
         Deborah was greeted loudly.  She wondered if, as a whole, the group ever did anything quietly and subdued.  It didn’t seem that way.
         “Glad you could make it,” Gabe said, standing and offering his seat.  Deborah tried to refuse but Gabe just kept walking.  “I’m going to go let Mom know you’re hear.”
         Just as Gabe left, the front door loudly opened and closed.  “Look who I found fighting on the porch!” A male voice called.
         Deborah didn’t recognize the man as he entered the room, though she figured it must be the eldest Kapshaw son just from the look of him.  Georgia and Josh followed him into the living room looking irritable and miserable.
         “You must be Deborah,” the man greeted, walking right over and offering a hand for her to shake.  “I’m Doug.”
         “Nice to meet you,” Deborah replied, shaking his hand.
         “Sorry couldn’t come to the last gathering.  Deadlines are crazy at the paper.”
         “Like you do anything resembling work,” Georgia commented, punching him in the arm.  “Your lazy ass just sits around pretending to be a big shot all day.”
         There was a loud sigh from the other side of the room.  Georgia turned and smiled sheepishly.  “Sorry Grandma.”
         “Manners, Georgie dear, have never ever been your strong suit.  I just wish I knew where you got that from.”
         Georgia grinned.  “It’s all my big brother’s fault.”
         “Uhuh.  Now, you must be Deborah.  I’m Lisa Kapshaw.”
         Deborah shook her outstretched hand.  She was a plump woman with a short crop of curly white hair fashioned neatly framing her face.  She wore a bright green sweater and pressed slacks.
         “Deborah Stone.”
         Lisa’s eyes brimmed with tears.  “I’m…” She cleared her throat.  “So glad I could make it up to meet you, dear.  I’m sorry it took so long, but…” She again cleared her throat, busily blinking back the tears that threatened to fall.  “I’m so glad you’ve found us.”
         Deborah felt tears sting her own eyes, but she too kept them blinked back from falling over.  “Me too.”
         “Well, dinner’s ready.  We can harass Deborah for more details about her life at the dinner table.  And Georgie and Josh can tell us what has them arguing and maybe just maybe my one and only son will learn to mind his own business.”
         Doug grinned, the crooked Kapshaw grin Deborah was now getting used to seeing in other faces besides her own. 
         “Sure, Mom.  You always were an optimistic one.”
         Ella appeared looking tired and worn out.  “Finally got Teddy down.”
         They assembled around the table, Paul putting an uncooperative Peach in her high chair. 
         “They grow so much every time I visit,” Lisa said, smiling at her eldest granddaughter.  “So, my little Georgia, when are you going to add to my pile of great-grandchildren?”
         Georgia practically choked on the milk she was drinking.  “Geez, Grandma, we’re not even married yet.”
         List shrugged, winking at Deborah.  “Close enough.”
         Josh laughed, earning him a death stare from Georgia.  “Let’s see if we can make it down the aisle first before we go planning any children.”
         Noticing the tension between the two was a little more serious than usual, Lisa changed gears.  “What about you, Deb?  Any men back home?”
         Feeling her own choking reflexes kick in, Deborah shook her head ‘no’ vigorously.
         “Pity,” Lisa smiled, chewing thoughtfully.
         “Logan’s cousin Kyle has been sniffing around after her though,” Evie chimed in.  “Logan says he talks about her a lot.”
         Both Logan and Deborah turned various shades of pink.
         “He’s not sniffing,” Deborah shot back.  “He’s trying to sell me something.”
         “There was some gossip going around about Kyle asking you out,” Becca or Kayla said with a grin.
         “What?  He hasn’t— Well, I said no.”
         The table began to hoot and holler, shouting out various teasing remarks.  Deborah felt her face flush bright red.  Only Logan offered a sympathetic smile.
         “Welcome to the Kapshaw family, Deb,” Doug said, patting her on the shoulder. 
         “Gee, thanks.”
         The rest of the meal went on conversations ranging from Florida to teasing Evie and Logan.  It seemed everyone got a turn to be ribbed or mocked and Deborah couldn’t help but begin to enjoy it.  Even when it was pointed towards her.  It was in good fun after all.
         They had dessert in the living room and Mrs. Kapshaw told stories about when Gabe and Laney had been children.  Lisa’s father-in-law, the man Doug had been named after, was brought up quite a few times.  Stories and jokes revolving around him were met with laughter and a few tears. 
         Nothing was said about Roger and Deborah was beginning to see that it wasn’t a topic that was brought up very often.  Her father seemed to cause sadness all around.  It was hard knowing that, but she was glad there were happier stories about her family to fill up days upon days.  The Kapshaws were downright amazing.
         As the evening wore on, Deborah was reluctant to leave, but could barely keep her eyes open.  Finally, she got up to leave after Paul, Ella and crew quickly followed by the unhappy Georgia and Josh had left.
         Laney stood to walk her to the door, but Lisa shooed Laney away.  “I’ll walk her out,” she offered with a smile.  As she reached Deborah, she wound an arm around her waist and walked with her out to the entryway.
         “I hope you’ll come by tomorrow, Deborah.  I’m not leaving until Tuesday, but I’d like to see you as much as I can while I’m here.”
         Deborah nodded, collecting her coat and gloves.  “I’d like that too.”
         “Wonderful.”
         Once she was ready to go out, Mrs. Kapshaw cupped her face gently, tears once again brimming.  “I can see him in you,” she said in a shaky voice.  “You don’t know how much joy that brings me.  It’s like a gift.  A piece of him that I don’t have to be sorry about.”
         Feeling tears burn her own eyes, Deborah wrapped her arms around Lisa Kapshaw.  “Thank you.  I’m…  I never knew him and maybe that wasn’t such a terrible thing.”  Deborah pulled away.  “But knowing his family means the world to me.  I’m so glad I can mean something to you too.”
         A few tears spilled over and Mrs. Kapshaw hurriedly wiped them away.  She smiled, wiping a stray tear from Deborah’s cheek.  “No more crying—happiness or not, it isn’t necessary.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”
         “Good night.”
         “Nigh, Deborah.”