Ten-Finger Exercises

S-P-A-M!

Being over 50 doesn't mean you have to be alone. One stop discount insurance. Auto, Life, Health, Home, 150 Channels / $29.99 Month! **FREE HBO** No fax payday - 2 min online application; Tax Time Cash; Tired of dating? Read this. Looking for Cellular Ring Songs; Let us help you get on the road with the right car loan; CarLoan Authority ; Are You Ready to Find a Life Partner from The Love Date?; Get a loan for a brand new car from loan guys ; Ready to settle down and stop dating?

Can you identify the list above? It’s the titles of a VERY small portion of the spam I received in my email today. To delete the whole list took me at least fifteen minutes. I’m trying a new tactic first. I’m forwarding it to my internet provider at spam@___.

To read the whole list, you would assume I’m over 50 (true;) either single or looking for love (not true;) needing money to pay my taxes or because I spent all of it on my taxes (not quite true;) need a new car (true;) need a new ringtone (false;) would like to be the life of the party with a new, fart ringtone ; and want dish TV (false.)

That’s a better list than the some of the spam I used to get, but it’s flying fast and furious all of a sudden. By the time I’ve typed this, I’ll have at least twenty new ones; I’ll make a bet on it!

Do you all know why we call it ‘spam?’ I didn’t. Spam, the registered trademark canned meat product, isn’t that ubiquitous! Other than the fact that it’s made with lots of salt and unknown meat products, it doesn’t taste all that bad. We used to fry it for sandwiches when we were camping. A slice of sharp cheddar on top helped.

I should say, if I don’t want to be sued by the Spam company, that the particular meat parts and unknown to me, not necessarily to the manufacturers, and I’m very happy to keep it that way.

Back to where spam in our email boxes got its name. From Monty Python! I for one would never have guessed it. It comes from a skit, first broadcast in 1970 in the 25th show of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, in which two customers are trying to order breakfast in a restaurant. The menu includes Spam in almost every item.

Spam was one of the few meats which was not rationed in Britain during World War II, and people became extremely tired of it.

In the sketch a group of Vikings continually interrupt the conversation by singing “Spam, lovely Spam, wonderful Spam” more and more loudly and dramatically.

Here’s The Menu, courtesy of Wikipedia.

* Egg and bacon
* Egg, sausage and bacon
* Egg and spam
* Egg, bacon and spam
* Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
* Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
* Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
* Spam, spam, spam, egg, and spam
* Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam
* Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce garnished with truffle paté, brandy and
with a fried egg on top and spam
* Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam

The word "spam" occurs 132 times in the short sketch.

That’s a little like the way I’m feeling about Dish Net, car loans, and dating services by now. I’m so tired of wading through them all that it’s easier to just say, ‘To heck with the email.’ However, I really don’t want to miss pictures of my grandchildren or even a good joke, so I hope my new disposal method cuts down some of the load.

Wrenspam signing off.