In The Woods

Chapter 5

The Forest Meeting
         Mole woke up the next morning, dizzy and giddy.  He sat up, pupils dilating, and looked around.  Clumsily, he climbed out through his hole and bumped into his wife.
         "G'day!" he hiccupped. "Mister," said his wife, Mrs. Mole, scoldingly, poking him in the stomach with a small rolling pin, "YOU had a bit too much to drink last night.  You'd better be grateful that Mr. Finchley was there, though he was hardly better off than you; he flew you home, and I managed to drag you to the couch.  He drank so much, he blacked out as soon as he landed!  But YOU have a meeting today!" She glared. "Well, don't just stand there staring at me!  Hurry to the Old Oak!  And next time you get drunk enough to black out, don't expect sympathy from me!" With that she rapped him on the head with the rolling pin and shoved him out the door.
         He put on a confused grin, chuckled, waved, and trotted away, smacking into logs and rocks as he went.  Mrs. Mole watched from the doorway, just laughing at him and saying, "Men."  Then she went inside the house to make some beetle roast in the crock-pot.

         Mole kept bumping along.  He bumped into Maple and into Elm, then into Squirrel.  "Hiya!" exclaimed Squirrel, standing up unsteadily.  He wavered this way and that and hiccuped.  Stretching, he said, "Wild night, eh, Mole?"  He thumped his friend's back a little too hard and Mole was sent flying into a log.
"Sure was!" replied Mole.  They were both still quite drunk, and, swerving slightly, Mole strolled back to his friend.  He hiccuped.  "My wife tells me we both blacked out last night," said Squirrel.  "I don't believe a word of it. Do we look drunk? Never! We are too dignified- hiccup!- to be drunk!  What fools we would be to get drunk before a meeting with the Old Oak!  What fools!"
         Mole watched outraged Squirrel wobble dangerously from side to side on his feet.  Squirrel's eyes were a bit out of focus, much like his own, and they had dark rings around them.  Finally, Squirrel, who completely lost his balance, tipped over.  "Timber!" hiccuped Squirrel giddily.  He seemed very moody.  Mole hoisted up Squirrel and the two of them leaned on each other for support.  Then they walked together down the path to the meeting, singing drunken sailor songs and chanting old sayings.

         Hawk was watching for the two of them in the topmost branches of Elm.  "I see them!" he cried excitedly. Then he stepped back a bit and wrinkled up his beak slightly in distaste. "They look ill!  What could be the matter?" He flew down to be level with Elm's dark eyes.  "They got drunk last night," replied Elm flatly.  "DRUNK!  My word!  And now they are coming into the presence of The Oak?  How disgraceful!"  "Yes, I know," sighed Elm, but then, brightening, he said, "but they made quite a show last night! Really boosted our spirits.  I'm glad they're a part of things." 
         Wolf came down from the side of the Meeting Hill.  (At the mention of Wolf, Bunnie began jumping up and down.  "Gwampa!" she cried.  "That's you, that's you!"  "Yes it is.  Now keep listening to the story," he answered her. "And Grandma comes later.  Listen!")  "Good morning, Hawk," he said smiling his toothy smile, "and hello to you, Elm!" he said bowing his head slightly.  Then he turned his head toward the two drunks, though they were still out of sight, and pricked his ears.  His great neck bristled and powerful jaws snapped at the air, teeth exposed dangerously.  He let out a growl from deep in his throat and turned toward Hawk.  "That singing!  Are our spokesmen... drunk?"  "Yes," replied both Hawk and Elm.  "Ugh, it's painful!" he said, clawing at his face and snarling.  "Isn't it?" replied Hawk sympathetically.  He flew onto the strong shoulder of Wolf.  "I wish that there was someone who could speak for them, those wretched things," he said, furrowing the feathers on his brow.  By now, most of the Council was at the base of the hill waiting for Mole and Squirrel.

         Chuckling and hiccupping and wobbling back and forth, Mole and Squirrel stumbled into the crowd of animal representatives.  The two of them stumbled right into Wolf, who growled disapprovingly and sent them flying into Porcupine.  Squirrel ended up with a quill lodged in his left arm,  and Mole with a few stuck fast in his rear end.  "Real smart," muttered Porcupine sarcastically, rolling her eyes at them.  She quickly pulled the quills from them, scolding them much like Mrs. Dormouse. 
         One of every kind of animal in the woods had to represent their entire species as a member of the Council of the Wood.  Old Oak was the Head of the Council and represented all trees.  Whenever an important event was in need of discussion, the Council would troop to the Meeting Hill to plan things with Old Oak.  Old Oak chose the representatives. 
         Old Oak bellowed from the top of the Meeting Hill for the Council.  "Come!" the deep voice called, "The Council has much to discuss."  Hawk scooped up Mole in one of his talons and took off to the top of the hill.  Wolf grabbed Squirrel's tail between his teeth and swung him onto his back.  "Hey!" Squirrel had screamed, "Easy on the tail!"  "On the scrub brush, you mean?" snarled Wolf, and then the very hurt and angry Squirrel got quiet.
         "Thank you for attending," said Old Oak, his deep voice rumbling. "Please sit down." Everyone did. There was a small pause as the last few seats were pushed in under the table and Mole fell out of his chair.  As soon as he was seated, Old Oak began.  "As most of us know, the Exterminator is coming once again to our forest.  For those of you who did not have the misfortune of witnessing the destruction of the Exterminator, I will describe him to you.  The Exterminator is a crazed man.  His sister fell victim to a falling Elm tree.  The tree died and was rotten on the inside.  The Exterminator, eight years old and named Robby, would lean against the tree.  His sister, Margaret, only fifteen, would sit on a rock on the opposite side of the tree, knitting him a sweater.  'When will you finish?' he would ask.  'Oh, I don't know, but I'll finish it if it's the last thing I do!' she would answer.
         "Well, one day, she was knitting and he pushed himself off the tree and ran inside to get something to drink," Oak paused to cough, "and the tree began to crack.  The next day, she came outside to knit and the tree fell right on top of her and she nearly died.  He came outside and saw her lying with her yarn strewn across the ground and her knitting needles against the rock and her laying in very odd position, unconscious.  She was rushed to the hospital and did live, but she was completely paralyzed from the neck down.  And she could not finish the sweater.  She could never knit again.  That is why he hates trees, and that is why he attacked Elm.  Now he is not just a miserable boy, he is a revenge-hungry maniacal man and a threat to our forest, so now we must plan our defence."  The old tree finished and looked around.  Most of the women in the Council were crying, but not Mrs. Dormouse. 
         "Alright, alright!" she said, her nose twitching wildly and her whiskers twirling. "Stop the snifflin', all o' ya!  We need to work together- think, plot, plan!- and find a way to protect ourselves!  Let's put our heads together! C'mon, c'mon!" Now she jumped up on the table and started waving around her cane. "Think! THINK!  Good gracious!  What's with you sniffly people?  Be strong!  Pull yerselves together!"  She stopped and looked around, fixed her day-lily, and she sat down rapping people on the head with her cane.  Everyone clapped for her. 
         "That's the spirit, Dormouse," said Oak, nodding in approval.  "Yeah, that's the spirit, Dormouse!" cried Wolf, his great and powerful tail wagging and giving her a giant pat on the back.  Smiling, her head whipped around setting her day-lily askew and she said, "Mrs. Dormouse to you, laddie."  "Sorry," he apologized, head lowered slightly.  She gave out a small hoarse laugh and smiled. 
         "So, what do you think we should do?" asked Rabbit in a soft voice.  "I mean, he has a chain saw and men with axes.  What have we got?" "Forest forces, little friend," answered Wolf.  Rabbit looked up at him and repeated questioningly, "Forest forces?" Then, after a moment of pondering, she came back with, "Ooh! Cool!  Hmmm... okay, then.  I've got an idea!  We'll go from the smallest animal forces to the largest and then use the trees!  We can round up the insects and ask them to form cloud formations around the wood so that it is hard to see and get through.  Then the burrowing animals can dig deep gullies in the ground so that men fall and twist their ankles!"  She tucked some loose fur behind her ear and looked to Wolf for approval.  Wolf gave her a smile.  She smiled back and looked around to see many of the animals nodding and murmuring to one another. 
         "Then," she continued, still quiet but very excited, "the men that enter the forest can be attacked by the beavers.  The beavers can bite at the men with their sharp teeth!  The woodpeckers can swoop into the battle while the men are looking down at the beavers and hammer at their awful heads!  So can the crows and turkeys and other large birds.  The hawks and eagles can fly overhead and drop stones and sticks on their heads, then retreat to pick up the rabbits, groundhogs, hedgehogs, porcupines, and other smallish animals from the top of the Meeting Hill.  Then they can drop us on the people through the trees and we can kick them and bite them and scratch them.  Then the hawks and eagles can attack them, too!"
         "You know, that sounds like fun!" said Hawk, with an amused smile on his face.  "I find it somewhat undignified, swooping in and simply attacking people... but it's for a noble cause and it would be kind of fun, so I'll do it," replied Bald Eagle.  "What shall us small birds do, though?" asked Mr. Finchley, a bit confused.  "Yes," said Wren and Sandpiper, "What shall we do?" All of the birds turned toward Rabbit.  "Uh- ummm..." she stuttered. 
         Noticing that Rabbit wasn't too sure of what to say, Wolf answered for her.  "You, birds, should surround the inner parts of the forest with nests.  Get the spiders to spin some thick web.  Fill the nests with stones and man each nest with three birds.  Use the web as sling-shot material and when a man comes, put a stone in the sling, and let the birds to the left and to the right pull back the sling and the one in the center take aim and hold the stone in place.  When they let go, hopefully the target will be shot and go unconscious."  Rabbit looked up at Wolf and smiled gratefully.  "Ooh!  Great idea!" said the birds, wide-eyed and excited.  Rabbit hugged Wolf around his strong furry neck and thanked him.
         The deep voice of Old Oak was finally heard again.  "What role shall the wolves and bears take, Wolf?  And what of the skunks and badgers?"  Wolf furrowed his thick brow in concentration.  This time Rabbit came to his defence. "Oh! The bears can charge out from the center of the forest and clobber the men, and right once they're outside the forest, the wolves can tear through the wood and hunt down the Exterminator." Excited little Rabbit jumped up and looked around, smiling and showing large and white front teeth.  She looked to Wolf who signaled that she should go on.  Her bright green eyes shone with excitement as she continued.  "The skunks will spray him so he's easy to track, and the badgers will work as a burrowing animal.  They will lead the burrowing animals.  The skunks may also spray those who have fallen to anger them and make them want to get back in the fight.  As soon as they stand up, though, us rabbits will jump on them and the moles, squirrels, mice and rats can swarm!  Then ticks and fleas, mites and lice, can infest them, like parasites should!  The deer can run with the bears, and while the bears claw the men, the bucks can get them with their antlers!"
         "Wow!  I like it!" said Hawk, obviously impressed.  "Ooh! Ooh!" twittered Mr. Finchley, excitedly hopping up and down, "and us birds can drop icky, slimy, squiggly worms down their shirts!"  The Council laughed.  Then Mrs. Dormouse asked, "Hmm, would any of you birds be willin' to lif' me up level with them beastly men's heads?  I could smack 'em with my cane!"  she ended triumphantly, and again the entire Council laughed.  "I'd be willing!" said Raven, bowing low and smiling.  "Okay!" she shouted jumping up and down and swinging her cane around in the air.  Oak clapped and smiled, shaking his head.
         The Council Meeting went on like this for some time, with Mole and Squirrel joining in the fun.  Then the representatives all went home to discuss things with their friends and families.