Mental Meanderings

Still Disconnected... Where is the power button?

I think someone primed my power into the off position. My energy is pretty much non-existant and I can't will myself to do much of anything. It doesn't help that stupid power blackouts (real ones) wake me up with screeching alarm systems at 3 in the morning. I swear that alarm is designed to wake the dead and scare them to death.

Anyway, I have to talk myself into getting back to work. I need to do three reviews today. Full, in-depth reviews. I SHOULD do a review a day but I haven't been doing any in ages. I'm so bad.

I also need to submit something this week maybe even two somethings. I don't like submitting. I don't like the waiting involved. I have a bunch of things out at the moment and this waiting is icky. Why can't they just reject me and get it over with?

There is so much else I want to get done. Like read up about Lord Byron and respond to Tirz's Poet of the Week post. I want to write a few more poems and enter a few more WDC contests. And yet, I'm drawn into the chat rooms. I even spend a couple of hours in IRC yesterday, wasting time... Just because I'm struggling to push myself into working.

I started trying to sort my emails. There are over 250 in my inbox that are unsorted/unresponded to. I feel very guilty when I realise all these people remain unacknowledged. I'm not ungrateful but I haven't been showing the respect and gratitude these wonderful people deserve. Perhaps I should make the emails a priority. Except I can't. Because these reviews have to take priority because the Tools of Poetry are waiting to hear who won...

*SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION* Sometimes it's all just too overwhelming. It sucks that I'm also not making any money from doing all of this. I look at the edge of my bank balance where I keep dangling. It's not fun. Basically I feel like shit, run down and fed up with the world. Why can't it be easy? Why can't I find that sense of will power that can push me through? Why can't I focus and remain dedicated to what I love? I wander, aimless and disassociated.

What is the point?