Mental Meanderings

Exercise 14 & Very Tired

I'm strangely tired tonight. It's only 9:30 and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. It could be in part to having this new cat around. That's right, I got a cat. *chuckles* Some of you might remember that I have a mouse problem? They've grown too clever for the mousetraps and baits so I adopted a beautiful black cat dubbed, Phantom. He's a real sweety too. I can't understand why anyone would dump him. He's 2 years old, sterilised, housetrained, even settles in on my lap, he's there right now actually. Anyway, I'm allergic to cats so I'm living on antihistimine at the moment. It's working for the most part too and I'm hoping but having the cat around all the time my immunity will build up so I don't keep reacting to the fur.

Of course, that mightn't even be why I'm tired. I just am. It doesn't help that I've had broken sleep two nights running. Baby Boy was sick through the night last night. I'm probably owing some serious sleep debt.

Onward to Exercise 14: What situations from your own life have others suggested would make a good story/book?

In my life? All the depressing things. Being a BiPolar teen who almost killed herself and dropped out of school is one. Living with a terminally ill brother who was allergic to sunlight is another.

Both of them are experiences that have taught me a lot about life and my right to live it. They would make some interesting inclusions in books and perhaps, someday I'll write about them. In fact when I think on it I consider these sorts of things could flesh out characters. No matter what genre I wouldn't necessarily need to write biography style to write about the things that have effected my life like those two have.

I don't like the idea of writing biographically. I don't much WANT to rehash my life and I don't find it particularly awe-inspiring or sensational. I'm just a woman who's had the kind of knocks in life that we each have in our own degree's and our own ways. Perhaps that IS what would make it interesting. We all want to live vicariously through others sometimes and feel that sense of community and union that living paralelle lives gives us.

Exercise 14 is all about why you don't write. Which is kind of depressing. I have to admit that it is a topic to look at seriously for any of us who go day in and out without getting the words down. Why have I had the opportunity to write full-time for 7 years and still not marked my place in the world or developed a routine that I can maintain consistently.

Of course since I'm already attempting to recover from a low I don't much want to wallow in why I don't write enough. Yes, there are lots of topics I could write. I'm always shocked at people who says they have nothing to write about. There is HEAPS to write about and more often then not it's being overwhelmed by ideas that causes me more problems.

I think a great deal of my chaos at the moment has to do with being uncertain and overwhelmed. There is so much I want to get done that it's hard to focus on a single task at a time and accomplish that. I look over my day today and wonder what I got finished. It's a struggle. I did get a whole bunch more games listed on eBay... It feels like an unproductive day. But in a way it's better than the last few days because I can feel the mood lifting, coming up, even in this tiredness.

There is so much I want to do with every day but I never seem to do any of it... At least I can sleep...