On My Happy Cloud

The Emerald Gardens

So, I know about a year ago I was talking about my Grandma's house and how it was on the market for a while after she passed away. It finally sold in like June last year I think. Well, I was hoping against hope that they wouldn't tear it down and make it into some kind of parking lot or gas station or something as it is in a busy part of town, right on the main street. Well, they didn't knock it down but instead turned it into some kind of shop selling ATV things...sheesh. Anyway, I guess they didn't do so well and had to sell. So now my Grandma's house is a flower and gift shop called Emerald Gardens. Dad took me in there the other day when I was off work and bought me a little angel that was on a wooden pick so you can stick it in your planter. I was kind of...in awe the whole time I was there. For the tiniest, most miniscule moment I forgot it was my Grandma's house where I had happily spent quite a lot of my child hood. They had knocked a wall out, one that seperated her bedroom from the family room and that's what made the whole place seem so different.

I left feeling a lump in my throat. I.....honestly can't explain why. Most times, I'm good at deciphering my own feelings but....on this one, I'm a bit lost.

Washing with Dove's Pink Rosa soap reminds me of being there, spending the night and taking baths in her somewhat, eh, anciet looking bathroom. I sometimes hold the rag over my face and inhale...just...trying to remember. Whenever I get a whiff of someone wearing "Youth Dew" I think of her and then I'm stuck for a while. It's like, I feel like her soul was left with me. Just nestled in my heart, keeping her alive. And it's so silly and you hear it a lot when people talk about there passed on loved ones but it's how I feel. She's the only person I know to die that I was closest with. What scares me is what will it be like when some one closer....

Yikes, never mind.

Ryan's sister-in-law kicked his brother, Denny, out of the house so Denny is here tonight and was here last night and will probably be here tomorrow night. No matter. He keeps to himself and eats dinner with us. He sits out on the porch, smoking and drinking a beer quietly and sometimes I wonder what he is thinking about.

Anyway, I'm staying at mom and dad's tomorrow night. I so excited. I'm going to watch LOST and stay up to wait for dad and watch me some Conan'O Brien with him, just like I used to when I first started working on evening shift.

Anyway, I need to get back to reading me some Harry Potter POA and get to bed.

Much love and happiness folks,

Elaine Bradley