A DOORWAY TO HEARTS

GOD, How I miss her!!!!

I'm so down today. I miss Mom so badly I ache inside. I wonder if she heard me sing "The Heart Goes On" and "One More Time" as she was clinging to her last breath, wonder if she knows just how empty I feel without her here with me. Selfish? You bet I am! I know she's in a better place and free from pain, yet in my selfishness, I still want her beside me.
In my heart, I know she'd be thrilled in knowing I have my Earth Angels and sisters to lean on. That helps a great deal, but still I'm selfish. I want and need my precious mother!!!
I don't want time to heal the aching I feel as odd as that might sound. I won't allow it to. I cling to the beautiful memories I have of my mother, still talk to her like she's sitting at my side, and still cry every day due to that pain. You'd have to have known my mom to know why I refuse to let go. She wasn't just my parent, but my best friend too. She hurt when I hurt, and was happy when I was. We shared that special something that words can't define. She had a heart of gold, and was an Angel long before she joined God.
I hurt, and I want to keep hurting. Saying "I love you, need you, and want you with me" just doesn't seem like enough.