Down the Rabbit Hole

The Deep End

The oppressive heat has continued. Its always a bad sign when you wake up to air that's heavy and heated even before the sun is out. I hate the humidy. I've never been a huge fan of summer even. My body struggles more and my patience runs low. Lately it seems I'm putting a gigantic effort into playing nice, trying not to lose my temper or let my frustrations bubble to the surface. Its harder some days to stay a smiling member of the human race. Today a large furniture delivery went south on me quickly. I forced myself to be as calm as possible on the phone, figuring my changes of a speedy resolution were better if I reframed from telling guy to you-know-what himself. I'm worried lately about how quickly my fiance and I breakdown under pressure, under stress. We seem quicker to ignite each other during the times when cool heads and solid teamwork are in demand. That worries me. Of course, lately, everything worries me. Perhaps that is part of the problem too. I never expect life to be smooth sailing however, some days it seems shit storms follow me. I'm finding that most people disappoint me and yet it doesn't stop me from being bewildered by the behavior of others.
My brother just had a baby. That in and of itself, is a wonderful thing. It has, apparently, also give him renewed license to act like a brutish, abnoxious jerk at family gatherings. Equally upsetting is that he seems to have no idea why his behavior would be offensive. Apparently, hurling curses, tossing lite fireworks at one's own house and yard and disappearing for a solid hour during festivities is in no way questionable. sigh. It doesn't appear that even the promise of a weekend away will be enough to cheer me up today. I have to go back to writing soon, before this blog dissolves into endless litany of bitching and moaning.