Life with an Addict

lost in the confusion

Life is all about learning....I get that. I'm ready to learn and understand the final chapter of this one so I can move on. This journey is wearing me down so much that I no longer have the ability to function as a normal person. I feel like I exist in much the same way as a robot, simply at a standstill waiting my next instruction.
I thought that the gambling was the darkest demon I'd have to face through my marriage, but now it seems so pale in comparison to what I'm dealing with. In all honesty, I'm not even sure what exactly I'm dealing with. The gambling and pain pills are the obvious ones, but there's something even darker and more powerful than that. I suspect it's crack but I can't be sure. Some of the symptoms are there but I haven't been able to prove it. If I could I'd give him the ultimatum, "get help or get out". His moods are getting so dark that I dread for him to wake up in the morning. I can't seem to do anything right anymore and no one else can either. The most frightening signs I've noticed are his face. I thought his face was swollen the other day when in fact it was his cheekbones sticking out. THere's also the incident where he thought he saw a ufo. Yes, I know, sometimes we see things that can be mistaken for a ufo but I have a cold feeling inside that he had a hallucination.
He's slowly dying in front of my eyes and I feel helpless to stop it. I've researched, and snooped hoping for some kind of proof so I can confront him. Slowly the signs are coming out, but it's not enough yet and I'm desperate to find something to force him into detox before it's too late