What a wonderful world!

WHY WHY WHY? :(

Why am I the one? Why do I always get nothing but pain? Allah Allmighty, I'm just in my early twenties, I don't wanna turn into a living deadbody.

I'm dying of footache for the past few days. It's swelled up like a drum, and I can't walk at all. WHY ME????
I had two take 2 Ficlox tablets since yesterday. It's almost three pm, and I didn't even have my breakfast yet. Can't east, cause high tides of nausea and fever always accompany the pain. I hate painkiller capsules, still had to take those cloxacilin capsules.

After exams my friends are having the time of their lives. Some went out of town to get a glimpse of natural beauty. And what am I doing at home? NOTHING...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Wish I'd also die like the other babies did when I was born. I hate to be bed struck like this. Can't walk, can't sleep, can't eat, can't move, can't take care of my nephew! Poor little kid, he never eats properly if I don't handfeed him.

I don't want to be a living deadbody, Lord! But I don't know what Allah has in stock for me. People will say, you're much better than others, you can do this, and that, which other's can't. But I know I can't do anything...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I'm not a good artist, I'm not a good singer, not a good writer, NOTHING, NOTHING NOTHING!

I'm not a good student either, So sometimes wonder, why did my parents give birth to me, knowing that I'd be a cripple for the rest of my life? I'm not their only child....they had five children before me.

Wish my mom and dad would just give me poison... Allah, just wish I'd die very soon....I'm tired of such a stupid life... the pain... the bitter yucky capsules ....physiotherapy....JUST EVERYTHING!

Allah Allmighty, I don't wanna live like this....Just wish I'd die soon... very soon.

I'm not in the condition to talk to anyone, but I did send cell messages to some of my friends, but got only one reply. I know they are busy... and here I AM, lying like a HUMAN LUGGAGE!

Allah! Just what do I do? I hate tears, but my eyes are filling up from time to time. I love to sing... but my voice is sore.

The only two paths I can travel on now, is writing and studying! i'm trying to do that as much as I can. Got involved in some of the new groups here.

I hate using my walking stick too. But this pain is always there, to remind me that I'M JUST A CRIPPLE, A GOOD FOR NOTHING! I don't wanna live on sympathy. I do not want people to point to me and say...Oh! that poor girl! Why me Lord? Why me Allah Allmighty? Just what sin did I commit?

I wanna build up my own identity, I wanna depend on my own self. HOW? JUST HOW? Tell me Allah, either cure me, or kill me!

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