On My Happy Cloud

Thanks, Matt

I was delighted to see that Matt had called me so I called him back and left a message. He called back a few minutes later and said "I am going to ask you to do something for me that you aren't going to want to do." He asked if I would help work at some thing for the highschool marching band he directs. I never hear from him and he calls asking favors. It's not like it's a huge deal or anything but if I e-mail him or whatever and don't hear from him I assume he's dropped off the earth and then this is what I get.

Ok, I need to lighten up. I'm taking things way to seriously and he does have a lot to deal with. Maybe I am being a little to harsh but you know what? This is the way our relationship has always been. I'll be there for him when he needs me but the second the tables turn, he's no where in sight. Not that I need him but a little more credit, come on. Seriously, I'm sick of this bull-shit. This is why I don't have friends. There was that time in my life when I was so desperate to be around people and hang out with friends and no one was around. I was left out of everything. I finally gave up and said "fuck friends, who needs them? Not me." So I stopped worrying about it. Matt calling me and doing this is tearing open very old wounds that have been torn open and healed more than once.

The good thing is, I still feel like I'm the winner here. My life is the greatest I can ever remember it being. I AM WITH SOMEONE I FIT IN WITH. SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T ASK FAVORS AND THEN FORGET ABOUT IT WHEN I ASK FOR SOMETHING IN RETURN. I HAVE NO ONE TO IMPRESS ANYMORE. I'M WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. THERE ISN'T ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD I NEED AND THAT INCLUDES MATT'S FRIENDSHIP.

Dammit, I feel so lucky.

Anyway, I thought that was shitty. But Ryan and I are going camping this weekend and we are going to be getting ready for it tonight because we both have to work tomorrow and we are leaving immediately afterwards. It will be hot but I need to get away.

Much love and happiness,

Elaine Bradley