Aria in Elysium

Friends

When I left High School, I was devasted. I heard stories. After all, I've never met an older person say "My friend from high school" it was almost always "My friend from College".

Plus, I mean, really....people where moving away to another state, another city, not far away, but far enough. And I knew...I would probably never see them again, or hear from them again. And I was...partially right.

I first got thise feeling when I performed my last show with the band. I cried. Because...deep down...already something felt missing, hollow, empty. When I looked at my friends I realized I would never again perform with them....EVER. And I had a feeling it be the last time doing that show--which I was right.

Since then, I started to feel....distanced. like I was watching everything through a telescope. I was trying to capture every moment, trying to save it, savor it. And then Graduation came. And can you believe I don't remember ANYTHING from that? I remember sitting down--hearing that damn song that I myself had played Freshman-junior year. I remember getting my diploma. I don't reacall the speeches--I recall hugging friends, family...and thats it. I don't recall the Festival of bands--in which we COULD have performed our show again. But most of the seniors and the drumline said they didn't want to do it--and I was and am so mad still. We didn't get to perform at Metro, because the drumline had to leave, and it would have sounded horrible....I practiced so much, and I finall had that song down!

Anyways, I'm getting to the point. The reason I focus so much on Band was because...thats where I had most of my friends, if not all. Thats where I connected with them, got to know them. We had so many great trips...and I was good...not great, but good enough, sometimes even better then average. And it was hard letting it go----because it only made me realize I would lose some friends.

In a sense, I lost them all. No more talking between us, except the occasional e-mail from myspace....like every 3 months. Some I write to, and they don't answer back. I'm cool with that. I just stop writing.

I missed them. I missed talking to them, missed laughing, missed being around them. The last bit of senior year, I did start feeling like a 3rd wheel with some of my friends, who, had formed a much tighter realtionship between them 4 of them, seeing as they would be going to U of O...and I'd be staying at PSU. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt--cause it did. But I understood. Its been....what? 6 months since we've talked...before, I wanted to be the one initiating the conversations. But, they always replied the same...and sometimes they didn't reply at all. So now I just check their blogs, make sure they're reasonably ok...and thats that. No e-mails, no "lets get together"....nothing.

Is it bad that I'm ok with this? Or is it good? Cause I've let it go, truly I have. Its great that they're ok. I miss them, sometimes...but I quickly get over it. No use dwelling on it. We had a friendship once upon a time....and everybody knows that Once Upon a time can be repeated in stories and movies countless times....