Mental Meanderings

When I COULD be writing...

Procrastination, again... I COULD be writing but I keep wanting to do anything else. ANYTHING ELSE. There isn't even a reason why I don't want to write. It's not painful, I'm not blocked, I have topics I could write about, lots of them, it's just any time I start thinking I should write I get this niggle.

Do you get that niggle too? That whining little voice that says, "But..." "wouldn't you rather play The Sims?" "wouldn't you rather watch a movie?" "shouldn't you rotate the laundry?" "you'd do better to go for a walk while it's not raining." "if you want to lose weight you should spend 30 minutes dancing instead." "you still haven't finished reading that library book."...

It's hard not to listen to that voice. I want to give into it. I don't understand why I want to not write more than I want to write. I know how much I'll hurt, how I'll hate myself, how I'll regret hours wasted, how I'll feel guilty and horrible if I don't write and yet at this moment, not writing feels safer, better, more comforting.

Life passes in these circles. So many of my writing projects could be finished if I didn't keep slamming into this wall every time I think about beginning them. Every time I sit at the keys. Every time I start letting my mind wander on where I want to go. Every time I THINK TOO MUCH!

I know how easy it is if I DON'T THINK! If I could cut my brain out and just act. Don't think about writing just write. Don't think about sitting down to write just start writing. It's the mind, those evil insiduous thoughts that put walls up before my goals. Those thoughts, this mind that wanders too much, that conspires against me. Why does it do that? Why can't my body, mind, spirit, all work together to accomplish what is best for me?

Even when I'm writing, like I'm writing right now, I've forcing myself to be here. My mind is still spinning through my head telling me all I could be doing instead. All I should be doing. All I'll be doing if I just stop, now. I have to force myself to finish.

This is why writing gets painful. It's not the words, the story, it's not the pain of telling a tale or the agony of not knowing my characters. When I'm there, writing it, living it the whole thing is laid out before me and I just write it down. It's the thinking about it that trips me up.

How can I get my HEAD out of my writing? I just want to write.