No Eggs After 10am

How to eat a Hambuger at 70mph

One would think that something as common as eating a hamburger and driving would be easy; however, I've noticed some drivers out here on the big road that don't seem to have it down. So here's the simple truth and fact on how to eat the Big Mac, Whopper, Baconnator, or your local favorite down at Mel's Diner while traveling. 1) DON'T DO IT...
unless, of course, you want to wear some of it.  It just doesn't matter how you hold your hand or wrap the foil around that juicy delight.  It will leak out and get on that $500 dollar suit or $20 tie. Now ladies, don't think I've left you out of this tasty bit of advice.  It won't work if you hold the burger out the window.  You loose half your stuff and might get a few extra morsels of meat (if you know what i mean).

Friends, fellow travelers, it really is simple.  Just lay your fries on the dash.  Don't get ketchup!  Try ranch dressing for your dipping pleasure.  Put the small container in the cup holder.  Grab that old towel from the back seat you used a year ago when you left the window down and it rained. Lay it over your paints or dress.
Now that the pre-eating preparation is ready, grab the juicy burger with your right hand and give it a good shake over the bag it came in (not over your towel).  That should lose most of the excess. Place the burger back in its wrapping and.... (here the most important part)

CUT THE DARN THING IN HALF....  Why on earth are you people trying to stuff a 1/4 pound of meat in your mouth at 70mph.  Good grief!  Then you reach for the fries, squeeze a little ketchup on them, then stuff that in your mouth.  As if that isn't enough, you then answer the phone, comb your hair, stuff the other half of the burger in your mouth, honk your horn and cuss out the truck driver that just blew by ya.  All because while doing all this you took your foot of the gas and you're now moving at 45mph.