The Real and Ideal

Hair Dye and Project Procrastinators

I'm getting pretty good at this titling thinga, eh? Lol.
So, it's been awhile. Busy, you know.
Anyway, my project deadline keeps getting backed up, which is good/bad. Good because I have more time to work on it (which I need), and bad because I have to keep thinking about it. Stupid stupid projects! For once I want to take a challenging class that doesn't require hanging-over-your-head deadlines. How bout you make something due next week instead of three months from now, eh? Teachers out there: Time is not the answer!

How to know if you are a workaholic/project procrastinator (if you realize it, maybe there's still time to change?):
1) You take all your meals at the computer chair (and their are stacks of dishes surrounding your keyboard).
2)You stay up at night thinking, thinking about your work/project to the point where you might as well still be working instead of trying to sleep
3) Days get longer, nights get shorter (see above)
4) You find yourself freaking out about everything. Spaz spaz spaz.
5) You feel so stressed that you feel the need to down chocolate. Mmm, eh?
6) You don't have time/willpower to read during breakfast. Too busy worrying. And I might be late for school. (Slept in too late...again....) (I also want to write a story, but I can't manage to find a minute. Sucks, eh?)
7)Room is a mess. Desk is a mess. Kitchen is also a mess.
8) Parents are crabby at you because everythings a mess.
9) You feel embarassed that your teacher/boss is going to have to see the crap that you intend to turn in, because frustration has brought you to the point of carelessness.
10) Hockey is the only reason you want to get up in the morning, rather than his snooze for the twenty second time. And to comb your amazing new blonde and purple hair. Just kidding. (about that being the reason I wake up, not the fact that my hair is blonde and purple, because amazingly enough, it is.)

But that's a whole different story altogether. It starts like this: our hockey team is a little on the wacky side, and the upperclassmen (some of them, anyway) decided it would be a good idea for us to all go bleach blonde and colorful. So what does everyone do? Either a) caves under the peer pressure or b) decides it will be a great oppertunity to change their appearance. Anyway, now mostly everyone is bleach blonde and colorful on their heads. Its pretty interesting.

I felt like everyone was gawking all day. I tell you, it's like no one has ever seen anyone with purple hair! And that's really saying something, with Hollywood and everything. I bet it's just unexpected, because for me it's just a little bit out of character. Yes, the bookish girl across the room can and will walk around with purple hair. Eat that you crazy outgoing ones. Lol.

Kidding, totally kidding.

Anyway, I've decided that Christmas is a difficult holiday. Shopping, anyway. There were like ten million people at the store today, and I couldn't find anything I wanted to buy anyway. It was definitely a waste of an hour of my day, that could have been spent working on my documentary. (Hey tech savvy ones- I am mucho jealous of your skills. My computer/camara/flash drive all hate me with a passion. Or at least that's the vibe I'm getting...) But I think I am going to stick to making gifts, because then if their lame I can at least blame my crap art skills instead of my inability to pick out decent gifts.

And besides, I get way to excited looking at all the toys. So, I'd probably play with it once if I bought it. That doesn't mean they aren't totally cool. 8>)

And how come series box sets have to cost so much? I looked at House Season 3- $43! Can you beleive it?!? Sure, it's probably like 20 hours of entertainment but still! I like buying my DVDs for $14.99 thank you very much.

Okay, enough complaining for one entry. Now is the part where I move on to more reasonable discussion. Maybe. Possibly.

So we are learning about the Holocaust in English. It has got to be the most depressing unit I've ever been in. Every day we go in at quarter to eight in the morning and watch videos about survivors, and they always end up crying and describing the worst years of their lives so vividly that it makes me feel nausious. It goes along with this book we're reading, Night by Elie Wiesel, I'm sure you've heard of it, it won a Nobel Prize.

Anyway, it really makes me feel guilty when I read it. Not because we're all safe here (or maybe that's it) but because I, and a lot of others in this generation, take everything for granted. I mean, I wake up, eat, go to school where I am not threatened by soldiers with firearms, eat, go to hockey where I am not threatened by the government, eat, hang out with my friends while probably eating, go to bed. It's like, hmm... sometimes they went days w/o food, and they would kill their friends/family just for a crust of bread or something. I just finished eating a whole piece of bread. And I am still unsatisfied with life sometimes. Why is this?

Then there is the whole school issue. What would I rather be doing right now: working in a forced labor camp or working on my history project? No brainer, man. No brainer.

You see? Reading about horrible things puts me in a very interesting state of mind. Half grateful, half sad, etc.

Today we had a discussion in class. I think everyone thinks I am a Nazi supporter because I wondered aloud whether or not Hitler thought he was doing the right thing. I mean, people fight for what they beleive in all the time. It's just that killing 6 million and trying to take over other countries is a tad on the illegal/immoral side. Well, not a tad. More like,  A LOT. I just like to think that people have reasoning behind thier actions, and although the reasoning may not be correct it's still reasoning. It's almost as if it makes it a little bit more acceptable.

Well, not really.

Okay, lets put this in more down-to-earth-for-us-safe-people terms. At hockey, there are always coaches/teammates yelling at you to keep your head up and pick a corner, look before you pass, etc. But my big thing about this is: Since when are you my eyes, in that you can tell me I didn't see where I was passing? For all you know I have amazing peripheral vision. You thought I wasn't looking. I was.

Or in the game the other day. Coach: "What are you doing? Go get the puck!" Me: "Um, that would bring me out of position, then they would pass it to this person I was supposed to be covering, etc." See, two different viewpoints, both supported with various reasons.

The Nazis were pretty evil. We all know that. It is hammered into our heads every day. But I really want someone to explain to me what the h*** they were thinking. Because it's pretty hard for me to grasp my mind around any concept that makes their idea a good one. (World domination? Not good enough.) Probably because there wasn't one.

It really pisses me off when someone tells me I didn't see it when I actually did. Geez it happens all the time. Once I got in a massive argument with my summer coach about it. It was the "No you didn't!" "Yes I did!" variety that went on until I had to take my next shift. Psh. I tell you, my thoughts are my own, and you can't read them and know that I wasn't looking. (Unless you posess some secret powers. Which I doubt. That only happens in Harry Potter. (Which comes out soon, in case you were wondering).)

Okay, lemme restate that: my thinking didn't hurt anyone, and therefore you cannot know whether it was wrong. Happy now?

I think I'm starting to contradict myself. Just goes to show how friend my brain is. I should really go. Until next time, reader(s).