Dreamland

Songs on a Red Eyed Two Dollar Bill

I'm living in the past, it feels like early 1970's. I'm a young artist, a self-described surrealist/ impressionist painter, somewhere in my early 20's. I go to great heights to get my inspiration, and often paint while I'm naked.

It's early morning, I have my easel set up on the rooftop of an old church. It's not the usual pointed roof. The steeple has a small flat area, a "Widow's Walk", for those of you familiar with the term. In the center, as expected, is the church's cross. Next to it I have set up a bright red porcelain toilet, which I hoisted up to the rooftop from the back of the church, with the help of an accomplice, who waits below.

I take off all my clothes except for a large black cape which flows in the breeze, and I begin to paint. The feeling of the sun and wind on my body is invigorating, and I capture the scene perfectly. The rainbow colors of sunrise behind the cross, the splash of the red porcelain alongside, It's all coming together now...

The painting is for the front of an album cover I've been hired to design. It's for a band called Crabby Appleton, and the album is going to be named "Songs on a Red Eyed Two Dollar Bill".

One of the guys in the band was goofing around with a two dollar bill he had. He colored the dead president's eyes in with a red pen, then started scribbling the names of some of the songs they were writing on the bill. They figured it'd be a great name for their next album, so there you have it. (Hey, it's the 70's, OK?)

I'm packing up my art supplies when someone on the ground below spots me and calls out: "Hey! There's a naked guy up on the church roof!"

Several other people look up, and they all start running over towards the church. I toss the painting and my easel down to my accomplice below, preparing to make my getaway. I grab my clothes, but the wind blows my pants off the roof. I hurriedly climb the rope, naked, to the ground below.

We manage to outrun the gathering crowd and make it to my old Chevy Van. We toss the painting and easel in the back, fire up the motor, and make our getaway.

Another successful venture!

(Someone else can figure out how to get the toilet off the church roof.)