The Real and Ideal

My Opinion on Everything

Here it is- my opinions on almost everything that has happened since last time I blogged. Sorry if you think it's lame and badly explained, but you'll just have to live with it.

1. Hockey, part 1

High school hockey, I've decided, is a different world from any other hockey I've played. It's held up on a pedestel, it's important, it's majestic. It comes with a responsibility. Yes, all hockey has that for the true players, but this time it's not just for us- it's the fans, the coaches, the parents. The people who watch the games on tv and read the scores in the papers. The college recruiters who write down your number and hand you a card. It's a different type of importance that it's difficult to be associated with.

Yes, it's exciting to be held high, important, the representatives of your town in the girls hockey world. But there is a price to be paid for that oppertunity. Giving your all every day, taking the yelling, the hurts, the confusing politics, and dealing with the way things are. You have to humble yourself for the good of the team, while still embracing the friendly competition it takes to bring yourself to the next level. It's a difficult concept to grasp. I probably don't even have it right.

The point is, not everyone gets it. And I always took pride in the fact that I understood, that I was right in the actions I took at the arena because they fit the Code. My ice time, getting my name announced...it was all so much nicer when I understood. I felt it. I really did. The majesty, the grace. (I hope I'm getting this right). That's what kings feel like when they get cheered for by the masses, and that's what I feel like when I'm standing at the blue line, lined up with my team, listening to the National Anthem.

Lately though, the sheen is wearing off... It's one of those times when I just want to go back to my youth days, when we would go to practice then go skate outside because we loved loved loved the rush. Being good or bad never mattered, it was just the speed and the wind and the cold and your friends. It was always fun. It wasn't "do this or your sitting" or "we lost again, I'm dissappointed." When is it no longer worth the sacrifice? When is it better to have a good time, as the sport intends?

I'm worried that I don't have what it takes. The coach speaks of glory, of the State Tournament and winning games. I want that, I really do, but I don't feel it. I've felt hockey in my heart when we score sweet goals, and I've been giddy with adrenaline after games. (I'm starting to sound cheesy, but I guess thats how it goes...) Hockey has always been the highlight of my day. What happens when it isn't any longer? How will I feel then? Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

It's a legitamite worry, if you ask me. But I am skating outside tomorrow, so that should make it all better.

2. Hockey, part 2

So the other day during our game, one of our players got a really bad hooking penalty. It appeared that it was on purpose, even. There was a minute something left in the period and we were down by a goal. Our coach was furious.

We got back into the locker room, to wait for the coach to come in and give us a period run-down. We knew it would contain some yelling, but we were painfully unaware of the course of events about to take place (Lol). Usually when someone gets yelled at we are just forced to listen patiently. Keep your head down, your mouth shut, it will all end soon, etc. Imagine my surprise when the girl denies getting the penalty, and even chuckles a little bit. Needless to say, that was the end of her game. The coach got even more pissed at her for "lying," "what's so funny?" etc, and sat her for the rest of the game. As on the bench.

I was even more surprised when we reached the end of the game and she was gone. She had walked off the bench in the middle of the period. And the coach even thought of putting her in the game too. Our team was pretty pissed. They spoke of disrespect of the team, and they were right. Only one girl said she did the right thing. Right.

Now that the story has been told, we can get on to my thoughts on the subject. I thought that it was stupid of her. You want to commit career suicide? Go and do what she did- disagree with the coaches, then leave your team. It worked pretty well for her. She can't play till shes talked w/ the coaches then said a formal apology to the team. It's been a week, and nothing.

Pissed off? A little. There is something to be said about wasting your talent. You have talent, you have oppertunity. She was on second line, she had a chance. She threw it out like it was yesterday's garbage. It's unfair how some people are given such gifts and then don't use them. It's also the disrespect issue. (sorry, it's been a week and it's worn off a bit, so the feelings aren't as strong now and therefore harder to record.)

Now I mostly just feel sorry for her. She threw it out, and it's going to be hard for her to get it back. We all know what doing things in the heat of the moment means for later. Bad things, man. Embarassment. Regret. Etc, etc. Enough about that.

3. My friends, part 1 (they come in order of when they occured)

My group of friends has always been pretty exclusive. Not because I'm hated or anything (at least I don't think so...) I'm just shy and I don't open up to people unless I've known them for awhile. Fair enough, right?

Lately, I've been a little bit more talkative. This is mostly, if not exclusively, in my Blocked English and History class, where everyone has been together for two periods a day for an entire term. I have people in that class who want to hang out with me. They've asked me to have a sleepover with them. I want to go. They are nice.

I was thinking about this, and the whole "exclusive group" thing, and I noticed how I only have a couple of really good friends that I hang out with, mostly because I do not have enough time to hang out with anyone else. I am always skating with my hockey people, and hanging out with them is so great (!) that I want to do it again and again. Then I get into my school world, and I want to hang out with them. I decided that I needed to work on my time management issues.

Also, I don't want new friends to replace my old ones. One is silver and the other gold, right? I love my friends. I just like my new ones too. There are some people (cough) who have too many friends to count that they hang out with regularly. How do they do it, I wonder? I worry about these kinds of things, because I like what I have. But people are always striving for more than they have, and that's just how the story goes I guess. Or theres a song lyric- "Have what you want, and want what you have." Good, yes?

Need I mention that one of my new friends is of the male persuasion? Tricky tricky...but more on that later.

4 My friends, part 2

My friends....they disagree sometimes...oh yes they do...okay. They like to fight. Particularly my two goallie buddies, who bitch about eachother so much that I can hardly keep their stories straight. Then there is my best friend, who occasionally gets on a certain person's nerves (not mine though, dont worry 8>)) for using her seniority to her advantage. These buddies of mine always seem to be in the drama. It's only annoying on days like today, when it gets so bad that it comes up and slaps me in the face and says "Pay attention to me, because I definetly require it."

By that I mean, I don't like it when my friends fight. I hear stories about how bad this person is, and how mean this girl's being, and "What the hell is she thinking?" all the time. Sometimes I have to agree. Sometime's I don't. But the moral of this story is that I am friends with all of the above and I don't want to hear it. (Or I shouldn't want to. But we know better, right, AJ? Lol.) I want to be there for you to rant to, and I want to help you all be the best people you can be. But it's hard for me when I'm being shown everyone's faults on a daily basis. Yes, I agree that this girl is being wierd and should face reality, but what is talking about it gonna do?

Love and peace, guys. Love and peace (or else). That is the title of a U2 song. And in the spirit of Christmas, I think we should all listen to it.  Good song. I like U2.

5. My friends, part 3

I don't know what I'm going to say in this section. All I know is that... I went from no boys speaking to me outside of class, to giving a boy my number, to talking to boy in a public place, to setting up a get together w/ boy, to arguing over the boy with someone else all in the span of two days. I can't beleive it.

Also, I have no idea what to do. I honestly don't. I probably shouldn't have skipped all those articles about boys in Seventeen, huh?

And yet, this shouldn't be a big deal. But (see section 3) boyfriends (argh) seem to block people from seeing thier buddies. There is a perfect example of that in someone I know. It is uncool. Also, I can't even drive for four more months. It seems almost pointless to have a boyfriend when you cannot drive. Having a parent drive you to your dates has got to be one of the lamer things I've ever heard. Finally, I know him based on what I've seen in school, and people usually act kind of different at school (at least I do.) He's a nice guy and I like him and all (he's also cute and funny, in case you were wondering) but I can't help but feel I don't know him very well. That needs to come through talking, and I am shy and a bad conversationalist. Not to mention today, when I was trying to talk to him with a bunch of people sitting around oooh-ahhing at me. Like I needed that people.

In conclusion of this topic, because it is starting to get tiring after talking about it all day with various parties who are oh-so-interested in my love life for some reason, I am lost and confused and I am winging it from here. I am determined to have a nice day tomorrow and for the rest of Christmas break. The end.

*Al, do you think it's weird for me to have a boyfriend? That I "just don't seem like the kind of person who would do that"? Lol. I don't think I'm ready for this, apart from the whole lack of car thing. I don't want to pull a Sox (no offense at all) and I don't want to be a different person either. Thoughts?

To quote Bruce Springsteen: "All I know is I woke up this morning, and somehting big was gone."

6. Conclusion-type piece

We were doing poetry in English last week, and I pulled out a couple of good peices. I was messing around with one of them since this summer, and I finally seemed to make it work. Kind of. A little. Funny how school makes you do that, eh? I think I'm going to make it into a short story too, because it's just a good topic. Here it is, just in case you were wondering: 

If You Die Tomorrow  (E) Things I might miss saying... *Might turn into a short story later* #1364513 by S. Koivu

I really hoped that worked. I'm not exactly tech savvy. I have another one too that isn't as good but I'm too lazy to type it right now. It is like, quarter to one. I'm just that determined.

I was thinking that I'd really like to be a writer when I grow up. Maybe a journalist. I dunno. I hear they don't make much. Whatever.

So I guess that's all. To sum it up: Hockey is wierd, I'm getting new friends (I think), the people I care about fight occasionally, I met a guy, and I am dazed and confused. The end. Sorry it's so long.