The Real and Ideal

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One thing I don't like about loooong breaks is that I'm not always on the go. Yes, short breaks are nice because they allow you to calm down and relax for a bit, but I would kind of like something to do now. Not like school is where I want to be, I would just rather not be laying on the couch for two hours straight. If I were in school, I wouldn't have time for that. Sad when I don't, sad when I do. Wow.

I'm tired again today. Probably because I woke up early. To go to hockey. It was fun. We didn't have a skating practice like I thought we would, instead we did fun stuff like shooting and playmaking, etc. Ha. I like hockey.

Ahhhh I do NOT want to be tired anymore. I should start drinking coffee so I will be wide awake. But that probably wouldn't help. I want to go play outside. I don't know what I'd do though. Probably just lay there. And then it would be cold. Sigh. I don't think I've been warm since I woke up this morning. Until I was laying on the couch. Then I had a massive blanket.

I wish I was a more dedicated athlete. I mean, theres probably a difference between dedicating all your time and dedicating everything else. It does sort of take over my life sometimes, but I still don't feel like I'm doing very much. Maybe if I did more I would be better? Like the boys. Who I shouldn't  be comparing anyone to because they have a different body type, temperament, etc. Whatever.

Geez there's got to be something I can eat that will boost my energy levels. I may go look into that. Even though I am so incredibly full from pizza and cookies today after Skating with the Youth.

Speaking of, that wasn't that bad. Our whole 38 person high school program just went out and skated with 40 some youth kids for an hour, then ate pizza/cookies. They were so enthusiastic, for the most part, and happy to be there. They weren't even afraid of the coach. It was weird.

Ah, I can just barely remember being that age...when we skated with the high schoolers. They were always super intimidating, because they were so much bigger/faster, and we basically sat there in awe. Have I mentioned that I don't feel worthy of anyone's awe? All I have to say is that the main difference between the little kids and our team is...age and experience. That's not meant to be an insult. It takes a lot of sacrifices and hard work to get there, but I have no doubt in my mind that a bunch of those girls will take that path. And they'll end up right where I am today, and say "What did I do?" Or maybe they won't. I dunno.

There are a lot of people I respect for their work ethic and dedication, but there are only a few that just shock me. They are like workout fiends. I mostly meet them in the summertime, when there is a lot of time.... I meet them at hockey practice when they get off the ice, only to rush out of there and go to the next athletic event. I do that occasionally, (the 1-2 weeks of the summer when I feel like I might actually drop dead) but mostly I just work out 2-3 hours and then come home and...do nothing. It always feels like I should be giving so much more. Like I'm cheating, or something. I dunno.

Which goes back to this energy issue. I skated two hours today, probably less because a lot of it was standing around, and I came home and slept. What is this?

That first week of summer is always the best. 8>) Summer may be one of my favorite seasons just because it is the official "off season" when there is no school. (Why can't the "off season" be every season that isn't winter? We only really train hard in the summer... hmmm). Anyway, on day one, depending on the schedule, we might skate an hour, dryland for an hour, then have a game/practice later that night. Day 2 you wake up and can hardly walk, but you secretly smile because you can practically feel yourself getting stronger. Then you do it all over again. And it hurts. But you are surrounded by everyone else, who are probably from teams you compete with in the winter (and in the summer too) so you just keep going. By the third or fourth day you wonder why you signed up to do it. Then on the weekend you're swimming in the pool and thinking about how amazing summer hockey is. Mmm.

I swear, if the winter season was played in the fall, I'd be so ready to go. At the end of summer (usually...) I feel like I'm in such good shape that I could go forever. And then it ends, and you play twice a week for a season, and then by the time the real thing rolls around you are huffing and puffing like you haven't skated since the last section game.

Hockey is a really confusing thing. I just really wish it were summer. I'm so annoyed about the outdoor skating issue. We have practice everyday with no time to sharpen skates before, and I WANT TO GO SKATING SO BAD! (whines) Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay, sorry this entry was so wierd. I'm gonna go clean my room now. Then maybe do homework. And then I will start tomorrow all nice and new and it will be better. Yes.