The Real and Ideal

Some poems and...other interesting things

Things that have happened since the last entry:

1. I failed my first test. I know it sounds nerdy, but it's true. Even worse, that test was on POETRY. Go figure.

2. The guy I thought might have been my first boyfriend (I'm all about firsts this week, I guess 8>) takes little to no notice of me at school. I am just not a good speaker. And I think I might be a little annoying...unless he does what I do, which is thinking about him without actually looking like I am. Or something like that. Needless to say, I should really just forget about it and wait till I get a car. Or some speaking skills. Or both. Although he still acts nervous around me, which must mean something. Like, he's trying to extinguish his feelings for me and is FAILING MISERABLY. Heh heh. Then he would know what I feel like...but I don't want him to be miserable. I don't want to be miserable either. Sigh. We should just cure eachother's misery and he should talk to me 8>)

Here is a poem. Take it as you will. And try not to laugh too hard. I actually put some thought into this one. 8>)

About a Boy  (E) I'm pretty sure it's all just make believe... #1375485 by S. Koivu

As I said (for the 6 millionth time), I am moving on. It's kind of like shooting- how you say you are going to take one more shot...just one more...and then you end up taking at least ten. Or how parents say, "Okay, we're leaving now..." and then sit down for just one more beer, and then the point comes where you are actually, finally, definitely done, and you leave feeling happy...right? Happy because the reason you stuck around so long was because you were having fun, you were looking for more fun...right? Right. I will move on feeling happy and contented. So ha.

3. I got my first ever serious injury. I went head first into the boards. I saw stars for a sec, and it hurt and all, but it wasn't really bad till today. I'm out for a week. It's sad.

4. I took my first ever trip to the hospital as a patient (that I can actually remember, because I wasn't being born or getting shots) (see above). So I get there, and we sign in, admire the fish in the fishtank, etc, and then I go into this office-type room where this guy takes my blood pressure and puts the little clippy deal on my finger. Just like on House. I asked him what the clip was for, and he said it was to check my pulse, and it also counted the amount of oxygen in my blood, or something like that. His response was actually cheerful, for someone getting distracted from typing in my vitals. I was actually in kind of a good mood, surprisingly enough.

Anyway, then I got put in this room with a little bed and a table that had a bunch of scary looking medical stuff on it. There was also a TV in the room, like Stu's room in The Stand (scary...ahh). And I got talked to by like, 3 different hospital people. And I had to retell my story a dozen times, and walk heel to toe (which I can't do under normal circumstances, let alone with a headache). But they were all very pleasant and I wasn't even upset with my doctor when he told me "No contact sports. You think you can handle that?"

5 I learned (for the first time) how to parallel park. This was during my Behind the Wheel class. It begins at 5 in the blessed am. Alas (yes, I did just say that) waking up at 4 in the morning is actually kind of nice. It's all dark and quiet and no one is outside. It's only bad when you stay up fairly late the night before, and then accidently fall asleep during a presentation in history (more on that later). Anyway, my instructor is really nice, and he sounds kind of like Matthew Broderick. It's like, oh, Simba. Or Inspector Gadget. Whichever one you prefer. It's alright, but the girl I ride with is a lot better than me, and I feel like a loser when I almost run into a cone or whatever. But enough about that.

6 For maybe the...second time, I found myself falling asleep during class. I was actually, honestly, falling asleep because I was tired. Not out of boredom or anything (at least I don't think so...) Well, that and my head was kind of hurting...shutting my eyes just seemed more appealing. Anyway, we left the auditorium (we were watching presentations) and went back to the classroom, where the teacher said, "Some of you were doing your homework or sleeping during your classmates' presentation. That is very disrespectful. I might call you into the hall tomorrow to talk about it." Like, oops. (She may forget about it anyway) I am just having tough luck lately... an F and a scolding all within a week of eachother? I think I may be starting to slack. Better get on that, eh?

7 We won a big game (!) and then lost a big game. No comment.

***
I can't really think of anything else of interest that happened.

Anyway, I'm hanging out with some school people again on...Sunday-ish, and I needed to get some writing done for that occasion. So I have two stories that I want to write...or one....and a couple of poems floating around, most not finished. One is up there somewhere. The only one that is complete. Pretty lame, I know. So here are some snippets, for your reading enjoyment.

a.
It's cold outside today.
The cause? I'm not sure what.
Though I woke up in dismay,
To find my mouth sewn shut.

Perhaps that is a part?
My curious mind reflected.
For my poor, impatient heart
Has been far too long neglected.

Time is not fast-paced
When it comes to your replies.
It's like I've been erased,
Like daytime fireflies.

***So I just wanted to write one that rhymed. So I wrote this one. The "mouth sewn shut" thing isn't supposed to sound morbid, just the idea that I didn't have anything to say/didn't talk much. I like the "daytime fireflies" because I can just imagine, no one sees fireflies in the day, you know? They are invisible, even though they are still out there somewhere, just waiting for night to come so they can shine. 8>) And that's my wisdom for the day~

b.
I hear someone speaking to me but its
distant.
Somewhere else.
My voice trails off...
One thought, lost in favor of another.
Speaking random words that are
detatched.

c.
I don't really know you.
Are you even interesting?
You don't really know me.
How can you be interested?

You can't judge me.
(It doesn't help my confidence)
You don't look.
(It doesn't make me less self-concious)

I fight my ignorance
When no one is looking.
I question my stories,
where no one can see.

d.
**This one is wierd, but I like it because it reminds me of Lord of the Rings. Heh heh

FEAR is a great wall.
The barrier gaurding a lonely castle.
The home of a trapped princess.
Waiting,
waiting.
For someone to come
and rescue her.

No hero or knight could break through
the bricks made of
stony silence.
No sword could penetrate
the gate of FEAR.

**I like the word "penetrate." I also like how it begins and ends with the word "FEAR." Yeah, I know, way to go on about how I like my own poems. Well, I obviously don't like them that much otherwise they might have been made into an item by now. As in, one that actually gets read. See? It's cool 8>) Also, there is the extended metaphor of "bricks" and "stony silence." Oooh nice.

Anyway, that's all with the poem-y bits. I could go into what my story is gonna be about, but I don't really know, besides the fact that it's gonna be like The Book Thief, which is one of my favorites. It's going to be about words, and someone who uses them well to arouse emotions, do her bidding, etc. I was just thinking about it (again) and so I've decided I'm going to make my own dream a reality for a mystery character. Muahaha lucky her.

Okay, well I really should get on w/ homework, shower, bed so I guess that's all for now. Have a nice night, everyone 8>)