Random Musings

Still....

Still don't feel real well today. No appetite, the sight sight and smell of food making me nauseous. At another time in my life, I might have suspected pregnancy, but there's little chance of that being my problem now. The chances of that happening again were minimized years ago. This is some sort of bug, and I'll be glad when it leaves me alone.

My youngest son has been home on leave from the Air Force for the past two weeks. He flies out tomorrow morning on the first leg of what is his deployment to Korea. He will be stationed there for a year.

While I'm happy that he's not being sent to Iraq, I'm still nervous about him being so far away. I thought I was okay with it, but as reality has drawn closer, I've been getting that funny fluttering underneath my heart, kind of like that I had when I carried him inside me.

But this time the fluttering is the feel of his wings. We have done all we can to raise him to the man that he has become. It's time for us to let him go, and for him to be his own person. In a way, I envy him his upcoming experience. He is 20 and on his way to live in another country where hopefully he will have opportunities to learn another language, experience another culture, and add to his life portfolio. Such exposure, however it turns out for him, will expand his thinking, his knowledge base. It will enhance his perspectives. For that part of it, I am happy for him.

But a part of me is sad that the little boy whose hand I once held to keep him safe, no longer needs that kind of protection from me. That part of the job is done.

All I can hope for now is that the Air Force does well by him, and that he makes the most of the opportunity.

Since I have to take him to the airport before day in the morning, I have taken the day off from work. I plan to chill all day and try to shake this thing that has a hold on me.