Snow Melt

this time last year

"this time last year" 
I was looking foreword to a New Year
With new possibilities and potentials
Then my world fell apart
Then my life became one stress filled moment after another

This year I am in the same physical location as last year, but I am seeing it from a new perspective. Last year on March 12, my mother was in the hospital. Last year on March 19, she turned 86 in the operating room. Last year I opened my prayer book and sitting beside her bed at the University Medical Center, I silently read the long healing prayer.

I do not remember going to a Naw-Ruz party last year and celebrating a New Year. I do not remember a great deal about last year. Stress hormones have an effect on the memory. Perhaps it is nature’s way of protecting us from the harsh realities of life.

This year
I am looking forward to a New Year,
I am looking forward to the sun crossing the vernal equinox
I am looking forward to the first day of spring
I am looking forward to new possibilities
I am looking forward to new potentials

This year I wonder if I have changes because of the stress of the past year. I know the answer must be yes. I look at my life and I wonder how I have changed. I see little changes in myself, still there are parts of me that remain the same. Physically I look about the same as I did last year. Mentally and spiritually, I am different.

This year I am not the same person that I was this time last year. I am different and yet I am the same person. I am a paradox. I am a duality. I am me and yet I am not me. I am in the process of transformation. I am becoming my true self.

This year I must let go of past illusions that have held me back. I am afraid to let them go because I know them and the unknown is knocking at my door.

This year I must let go of things that have not worked. This year I must take a breath of faith. I must inhale knowing that there is no air to breathe and despite that oxygen molecules will fill my lungs. I must take a breathe of faith knowing I can breath without air.

This year I must step blindly into the dark, knowing that there is an invisible road. The road will appear with each step I take into the future.

This year I must place my entire trust and life in God’s hands and move forward. This year I must emerge from my cocoon and fly.

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